Obsessive Internet Disorder... The Story of My Life

New Blog!

2011-08-09T00:34:00.003-05:00

I figured getting a Tumblr blog would be much easier on me than only having to have to wrong extensive paragraphs and such on Blogger. So check out my random ramblings and such over here!

Out of Sight...

2011-06-02T14:37:00.003-05:00

"Out of sight, out of mind" is how my brain works. I also tend to respond more to lively color and large print. Why am I caring to share this in a blog? Because I'm trying to better my summer by actually doing things I said I would do. And I'm going to achieve this through mood boards. I'm finally putting the stupid things my aunt gives me for holidays to use (thank goodness). I'm really trying to get myself out of my young rut. I'm constantly in the routine of saying I'm going to get things done and just doing a whole bunch of nothing for the few months I have off, then getting to school and doing a whole bunch of nothing until it's finals time when I have a time crunch, and doing this cycle over and over again. I feel like once I get into the real world of constant movement, I won't be able to keep up. Hell, I'm not able to keep up with my peers now. I have a lot of catching up, and maturing, to do.

ABC's of JST

2011-05-26T16:47:00.002-05:00

A. Age - A fresh 21
B. Bed Size - Twin -_- yes, I am an adult still sleeping in a twin-sized bed. On the bright side, it's a humbling experience... I guess
C. Chore You Hate - Vacuuming
D. Day - Friday. I love the anticipation of waking up without an alarm clock to another day that's full of non-school!!
E. Essential to Start Your Day - Breakfast food. I LOVE breakfast, and it's imperative that it be the first meal I have of the day
F. Favorite Color - Purple and Baby Blue, although I tend to like purple more
G. Gold or Silver - Silver
H. Height - 5'7"
I. Instruments - I used to play the clarinet
J. Job Title - Student!
K. Kids - They're alright lol. No, I do hope to have my own kids (I would love a girl), but I also prefer to adopt.
L. Live - Chicago
M. Mom's Name - Janis
N. Nicknames - JT, Jassy, Jas, Twin, Jazzy Phae (which I absolutely hate), Jasmyn Simone (only used by my grandmother)
O. Overnight Hospital Stays: Thank God I've had none
P. Pet Peeve - Wow, so many. I think my top three are close-minded people, rude/inconsiderate people, and hypocrites
Q. Quote From a Movie - "Like awesome, oh wow, like totally freak me out I mean right on *clap clap* The Toros sure are number one." "I transferred from Los Angeles, your school has no gymnastics team, this is a last resort *clap*" Bring It On
R. Right or Left-handed - Right-handed
S. Siblings - None, but I make up for that with a bunch of friends that are like sisters :)
T. Time You Wake Up - Between 11AM and 2PM. Depends on what time I go to sleep
U. Underwear - I'm not a sexy person, so mostly bikini briefs or boyshorts if I'm feeling daring
V. Vegetables You Dislike - Mushrooms
W. What Makes You Run Late - Trusting myself to lay in bed for "5 more minutes" and triple-checking everything since I usually don't prepare my things the night before
X. X-Rays You've Had - My arm, my knee, and my chest
Y. Yummy Food You Make - I get the most compliments on my mac and cheese, but I've been told my quesadillas and burritos are delicious too
Z. Zoo - Wow... haven't been to one of those in years! The last one was probably Lincoln Park Zoo if I had to guess

Golden Year Reflections

2011-05-19T18:00:00.003-05:00

As my golden year comes to a close I reflect:

I don't have patience, but it is imperative that I learn this virtue and soon.
Accountability and responsibility. Enough said.
I'm a late bloomer, and my time and place for anything and everything will come right on time, not a minute early or a minute later.
The grass isn't always greener on the other side. Most of the times it's waaaay more messed up than you think your side is.
In my mother's broken text slang: "U are unique maybe the people r not as real as they appear to be. Just continue to be all that u r. It is a question of being not fitting in."
Comparison will be the death of me. Again, my time and place for anything and everything will come right on time.
I can't survive alone. It's physically and mentally impossible.
I may not be as close as others when it comes to family. but they're there with their full support nonetheless.
Love takes many different forms and is expressed in many different ways. Acknowledge all forms.
It's okay to say no and mean it. It's definitely better than saying yes and regretting it.
If they don't care about you, don't waste time caring about them. Some people aren't worth proving yourself to.
Learn from EVERY lesson and apply accordingly.

This last week has been a bit rocky for me just because things started to crumble with the friendly relationships I had with people over here and my insecurities. I realize that I rely on people too much when I'm in unfamiliar places, allowing me to become more vulnerable when realizing people aren't what they seem. My trust valve is always open, and I believe that I can close it a substantial amount without compromising who I am. It's not about being cold-hearted or distrusting, but strengthening my confidence in who to trust and allowing the right people in (trying to filter out those seasonal people). I know 21 holds a bigger impact and life change than 20 (I'm talking other than legally being able to drink), and hopefully I can look back on this post to see how much I've matured. I've been stagnant in my growth as of late, so it's time to turn all attention back to me! And my beautiful baby girl, of course. :)

Drinking Game Gone Wrong

2011-05-11T20:41:00.000-05:00

So, me and a couple of the other study abroad kids were chilling, playing a drinking game called Tourettes where you have to be the first person to say a noun of the first letter of the playing card (i.e. if the King pops up, you have to say something, not a proper noun or number, that starts with the letter K). Two other girls were playing, and the number 9 comes up. The first noun that came to mind for one of them was, "Nigger." Let's put this into perspective a bit more: everyone playing was white, except for me.
That was a classic awkward moment. Not only because of the racial issue concerning American whites and blacks (I'll get to that wording later) but because of my reaction. I didn't really know how to respond to it. Should I be offended and get angry? Slap her senseless while giving her a black history lesson? I wasn't sure. I was appalled, yes. Caught off-guard, absolutely. What I did was play it off as awkward and try to do like everyone else and move on.
The N word is a touchy subject in general, whether it's being said across two different races or the same one. I'm going to touch on both, because of course, a word means two separate things in two separate communities. When a black person address another using the N word, whether it be "with an a at the end" or not, it's often seen as okay because it's looked upon as taking the negative connotation out of the word and rendering it powerless from oppression. Of course, not all black people see it this way. Using the N word is also preventing black people from growing as a community, and the stereotype that goes behind either those who use the word or the word itself keeps us oppressed. Of course, when the N word is used by any other race it means one thing and one thing only: A BIG NO NO.
I'm not going to play the Virgin Mary: I've used the N word loosely for a couple of years now and thought of the term as harmless. However, going to an all-black high school, where I first started using the term if I'm not mistaken, it was easy to do so. Since going to a HBCU where we discuss all issues pertaining to the black population in-depth, I've been changing my outlook on the word and the purpose for it's use. I've also become more aware of how exactly people use the word. From what I've come to find, the N word is still oppressive, even when we say it to each other. Some people use the word only to describe a particular sub-category, for lack of better terms, of the black population: the typical loud, ghetto, hood, and ignorant. Some use it more loosely than that, only compassing a person that's being disagreeable or a comrade.
The funny way that my actions really dawned on me was when I was watching a white comedian on TV. He was joking about calling his white comrades "crackers" but when a black person uses the term, the fun and games were over. That's stuck with me for a long time because it made me understand both sides of the story of, "Well, why can't we say it, too?" I mean, why can't they? They see us freely throwing around the word, so it must be okay, right? I ran across a particular statement that should sum up the whole who-should-say-what business: "We teach people how to treat us." Spewing that N word out to anyone gives anyone else the right to assume that's what we want to hear and that's how we want to be addressed. Here's more of the argument I found that can probably make more sense than I can:

We [black people] created jazz and put it out there. They [non-black people] learned it and are doing very well with it. We cornrowed our hair, and Bo Derek got called a “10″. We locked our hair, and now they’re locking theirs. So many of our expressions of creativity and even manifestations of physicality have been co-opted by people outside our ethnicity, irrespective of or own appreciation of them or lack thereof. So it is no surprise to me that they would also co-opt our “inside” insults as well, especially as they see some of us... getting rich off them. I mean, if these people from among us are getting rich from us while saying these things about us, then surely we’re okay with these things, right? That’s what non-blacks are demonstrating their thinking to be when they say these things about us. Well, I believe that when we treat ourselves and each other as though having these things said amongst ourselves is no big deal, we’re teaching non-blacks who otherwise may not be ethnically prejudiced that this is acceptable, and we’re co-signing with those non-blacks who are prejudiced against us.

So I guess my personal issue with the word is resolved: I won't be using or condoning it anymore. However, my issue with the girl who used it is complex. Again, I'm not quite mad or offended, but I am cautious. Drunk words are sober thoughts, and the fact that such a "taboo" word was on the tip of her tongue that easily makes me want to put a little distance between her. The way I'm thinking is, "Oh, so is that what comes to mind when she thinks of me? Not a person, not a friend, but a Nigger? Is there more to the issue, where she doesn't want to include me because of what she thinks I am, preferring to hang out with "her kind" instead?" And also, her reaction (a shrug and "Oops, oh well") was a little discouraging to wanting to maintain any relationship with her as well. I'm a culturally conscious person and respect all issues regardless whether I believe in them or not, and her nonchalant attitude came off as if she didn't care. And as if it'll happen again. That's not the type of crowd I want to ever be around.

One's the Lonliest Number...

2011-05-08T13:54:00.002-05:00

...especially when you don't want to be left alone.

It must just be me or something. It seems like every time we go into groups, everyone finds their niche in someone else (or some others) and I'm just left by myself. I've kind've been struggling with this ever since I got here in London. I have to go out of my norm and insert myself into people's circle, even when I can sense they don't want me there. Of course, they're just too nice to say anything so they just let me follow them around but ignore me. That's even worse.
I thought I made progress by hanging with a consistent amount of people, but today just proved me wrong. We had a full day to explore Stonehenge and Bath, and while I was trying to stay close and converse with a particular group of people (well, it wasn't really a group, it was more like two people), it was like they kept running away from me. I'm pretty sure they didn't have that exact intention (hopefully not) but I guess they just didn't get my hint that I was trying to join in and explore with them. For the whole day. I'm trying not to get so down about it because, like I'm always telling myself, "I'm just here for 10 weeks, one term, and I'll most likely never have to deal with any of these people again." But as time is dwindling down from 10 weeks to 3, and I haven't done nearly as fun stuff as everyone else has done (for it can only be done in a group), my feeble words of pep talk just isn't cutting anymore. I have to face the music.
I have this weird fear/insecurity of being invisible, but maybe it's not just a figment of my imagination. All my friends do it to me too, regardless of how long we've known each other. I always find myself within my mind just so I don't have to deal with the truth of the matter that I'm constantly alone. Maybe I'm really not memorable enough, or fun enough, or just flat out not good enough. It just sucks, though. I wish I could say that I really made a friend or two here.

Day 30: a picture of someone you miss

2011-04-21T18:59:00.003-05:00

Yes, this is me. Yes, I have make-up and a costume on for a reason. Yes, everything was properly placed and in tact before being sweated out and wiped off in 15 minutes.

I chose this particular picture because I miss the person I was back in Freshman year. The thought just crossed my mind a few days ago about how far I let myself go from then, not only physically but mentally. I had determination, diligence, focus, and drive out of this world. I took the risk of doing something I've never done before and challenging myself for once in my life, especially after being somewhat sheltered under the only child cloak. I really opened myself up and gave something my all. And two years later, I look back and realized I've contracted myself deeper into my shell and I'm letting moments and opportunities slip through my fingers. My comfort zone has gotten more comfortable and I've lazily rested on that. I blame the lack of change on being a Taurus a lot, but I know that I'm capable of positive change and going for it. I need to get that pep back into my step because I miss that freshman year me.

But truthfully, who I really miss I didn't have a picture for on my computer, my Aunt Annye C. I aspire to hopefully get close to being the wonderful, loving, and God-fearing woman that she was. She was a precious gem in my life, and she is truly missed.

Day 29: A picture that can always make you smile

2011-04-07T10:55:00.002-05:00

Photos like these are where the people in on the inside jokes laugh the hardest. Poor Quan.

Day 28: a picture of something you're afraid of

2011-04-07T10:50:00.002-05:00

Ugh my skin was crawling while Googling for a particular image. I just freaked out and picked the first one available. And this picture is making me itch...

Day 27: a picture of yourself and a family member

2011-04-04T18:53:00.002-05:00

How about family memberS?

I love my cousins and aunt :)

Day 26: a picture of something that means a lot to you

2011-04-03T15:32:00.003-05:00

My friends. The conditional love, constant support and inspiring personalities will always mean a lot to me. :)

Day 25: A picture of your day

2011-04-02T08:08:00.002-05:00

Me in my pajamas sitting in my room. Why the long face? Because it's homework day =/

Day 24: a picture of something you wish you can change

2011-04-01T08:31:00.003-05:00

At this particular point in time, I want to change transportation. Right now, I have to get ready and go to the art store, which is going to take a train and a bus to get there. I'm too lazy to do that, especially so late in the afternoon. You'd think since we're so technologically advanced this day and age we would've made teleportation by now. Guess it's pretty much me on foot for now...

Day 23: A picture of your favorite book

2011-03-31T20:51:00.003-05:00

Most people that know me would probably think I'd put a picture of Harry Potter or Twilight. And as many books I've read, along with my fickle mind, I would've assumed I'd have NO picture. However, the first book that came to mind when I saw this challenge for today was Hunger Games. And of course you can't just post one book from a trilogy. I like it because although it's considered young adult and the characters are amongst that age group, the content is really mature (in a sense that it isn't a typical sappy young adult romance back story) and the action storyline is amazing and unique. I have yet to read Mockingjay, but I can't wait to!

Day 22: a picture of something you wish you were better at

2011-03-30T19:28:00.003-05:00

There are so many things I wish I was better at, but I think the main concern for me would be self-motivation. I wish I was better at self-motivating myself because I would be able to get myself out of predicaments that are easily avoidable (slacking off in school, poor time management). Also, all the things I could've said I'd want to get better at (dancing, cooking, etc.) would be accomplished already!

Day 21: a picture of something you wish you could forget

2011-03-29T09:03:00.003-05:00

These two pictures go hand-in-hand in something I wish to forget. How? Both of these hair styles were done by people I found on Craigslist. The woman who did my (overpriced) full weave did a botch sewing job which resulted in a nice chunk of my hair being cut off in the process of take-down. The woman who did my kinky twists worked out of a filthy home and literally had a physical altercation with her mother in my presence. Both were a waste of money and were just horrible experiences to go through. Never again, mark my words!

Day 20: a picture of somewhere you'd love to travel

2011-03-28T15:00:00.002-05:00

With my love for travel, I should have a picture of the world!! The obvious place would be Milan, because that's where I always say that I want to live and have a family. However, I would definitely love to travel to Brazil. Their vibrant culture is so enticing and I want to just experience their Carnival. It looks like a carefree and lively place to be at all times of the year.

Day 19: A picture and a letter

2011-03-27T10:16:00.003-05:00

Dear me,
With faces like this, you'll never attract normal friends. Not that those are any fun anyway. :)

Love, me

Day 18: a picture of your biggest insecurity

2011-03-27T09:51:00.002-05:00

I have this unrealistic desire to please everyone. And although I know that's not possible, something inside of me continues to want to save the whole world. Whenever I see a friend in despair and I either can't help or my help didn't work, I feel as though I'm not a good enough friend.
When it comes to body image and how others perceive me, I go back and forth about what it is that makes me look undesirable or unfriendly. When it comes to the opposite sex, I usually blame it on my glasses and now most likely my natural hair, especially with the beauty standards in the black community. When I don't know anyone in a large group, and I get the perception that everyone's already has their preferred clique, I get insecure yet again that maybe it's because my crazy personality doesn't just come out to everyone that nobody has an interest in getting to know me.
I feel like although my mother has finally come to terms with my chosen career path, I'm letting her down by not doing something more common. I always try to please her with the things I do, and even though she hasn't given me any reason to think so, I feel as if I'm not being a good enough daughter to her.
Academically speaking, I feel as though I'm not good enough because a lot of the other students are more knowledgeable about the fashion industry than I am. Also, with my personality, I feel as though I won't be successful and will continuously get passed up for another who is more extroverted and lively. And every time I get rejected for an interview, and the fact that I haven't had a job yet, somewhat confirms the notion that I'm not good enough. And yet, I have no back-up plan...

Day 17: a picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently

2011-03-25T17:03:00.003-05:00

I've been living in London for about a week and it has really changed my perspective on things. Money, clothes, necessities, cultures, just everything. And I'm sure their way of teaching will alter how much I value education and eventually help me decide upon what I want to do after graduation.

Day 16: a picture of someone who inspires you

2011-03-24T13:20:00.003-05:00

There have been so many people, both celebrities and regular citizens, that are inspiring. But one person I know I'll never forget is one of my teachers. Dr. Payne-Jackson, my cultural anthropology teacher from sophomore year, is a woman who has gone through so many things. She was in a really brutal domestic violence situation with her husband. Usually, domestic violence situations would ruin a woman, perhaps even turn her bitter, but this Dr. Payne-Jackson took a bad situation and turned it into a stepping stone to continue forth with love still in her heart. From her, I not only took away interesting anthropology information, but the lesson that all obstacles, whether physical or mental, are possible to overcome and maintain the joys of life along with it.

Day 15: a picture of something you want to do before you die

2011-03-24T13:05:00.003-05:00

I want to see my Chicago Bears play in Soldier Field one day before I die. Premium tickets. And preferably against the Packers. That's a game all Chicagoans live for.

Day 14: a picture of someone you could never imagine your life without

2011-03-22T14:01:00.003-05:00

One of my best friends. Of course I can't imagine life without her! Especially since our friendship is now tatted on my back ;)

Day 13: a picture of your favorite band or artist

2011-03-22T13:58:00.002-05:00

Duh.

Day 12: a picture of something you love

2011-03-19T17:28:00.002-05:00

I love pepperoni pizza more than anything on this Earth!! :)

Day 11: a picture of something you hate

2011-03-18T14:42:00.003-05:00

I HATE SMOKING! It smells gross, it's not even cool, and I don't want to die by lung cancer of second-hand smoking from YOUR doing! People are so careless with their cigarette smoking it's selfish.

Foodwise, I can't stand cateloupes. What kind of fruit ISN'T sweet?! Yuck.

Day 10: a picture of the person you do the craziest things with

2011-03-18T14:22:00.003-05:00

The proof is in the pudding. Or more like the proof is in the picture.

Day 09: a picture of the person who has gotten you through the most

2011-03-16T15:00:00.002-05:00

I came into high school with the mindset never to make a single friend. I didn't want to talk to anybody, didn't want to know anybody, and didn't even make efforts to speak and know my fellow classmates. The IB program at my high school had a separate orientation for us. I was sitting in the back with a few other people at my table not making eye contact, on purpose of course. "If they don't look me in the eyes, they won't try to spark up conversation," was my thought. However, these two girls still talked to me anyway. I could tell they were best friends by their interaction with each other, and even so, they still sought me out and spoke to me as if I was a part of their tight-knit circle already. Their genuine kindness led me to unconsciously open up to my peers and I gained valuable friends. I even was able to become really close friends with one of the two girls, Briana.
Briana is like me, in a sense, where she gives her all to help those who are in need. And although I'm selective with whom I share personal information with, she is one of the few who I have let inside. We may not talk all day and all the time, but the times I have come to her for comfort have meant a lot to me.

Day 08: a picture that makes you laugh

2011-03-15T14:59:00.002-05:00

When I first saw this I cried with laughter. That was back in 2009. It's still funny to me to this day. I'm actually laughing while typing this.

Ok, ok, now I'll go on to an actual picture instead of a Facebook Bumper Sticker.

Just another crazy day with my crazy friends. Don't ask me what started this.

Day 07: a picture of your most treasured item

2011-03-14T23:54:00.003-05:00

I love pets, especially dogs. It's just something about a cute furry face that gets me every time. When I tell you I've wanted a dog since forever, I'm not even exaggerating. The top two things that were on my Christmas list for the longest were a puppy and a sibling. Finally, on December 26, 2010 my cousin Ruby sent my mother a picture of the puppy from her dogs' litter she had held just for me. It seemed so surreal to finally get what I wanted, and around Christmas was the perfect timing too! I first held her at 6 weeks old, and yesterday marked for turning 4 months. So yes, Roxy Monroe is my most treasured item at this moment. Even though she doesn't love me as much as my mother, I love her to bits and pieces. :)

Day 06: a picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day

2011-03-13T08:09:00.002-05:00

I'm interested in fashion styling mostly because of Rachel Zoe. Her life seems hectic and non-stop yet fun and exciting at the same time. Also, her hard work pays off, since she's Hollywood's top stylist. I would love to be hands on with styling many celebrities for various events like her, not to mention the heaven I would be in by being surrounded my fashionable pieces all day long!

Day 05: a picture of your favorite memory

2011-03-13T08:01:00.003-05:00

This is more like a collection of favorite memories of my high school's football games. Homecoming games were especially my favorite. I wasn't really all that into sports in grammar school, mainly because we had no teams, but coming to high school was a completely different experience. We had a full band (marching band, pom pom, dancers, majorettes, flag girls), our cheerleaders were great and the school spirit was addicting. And winning most of our games was an added bonus. I couldn't help but to love football after going there for four years.

Day 04: a picture of your favorite night

2011-03-11T23:34:00.004-06:00

Freshman year. One team. 20 personalities. Best win ever.

This night was by far my favorite night. It started off completely wrong, thanks to me and my genetics. But it ended with two 1st place wins, and that trumps any conflict and complication I've ever had. This is a picture of my dorm step team fresh off the stage and with the most genuine smiles on our faces. Winning wasn't really the biggest thing about that night (although it was a ego-boosting factor). The culmination of hard-work and dedication was why it was my favorite night. I've never stepped a day in my life until I tried out for the team. And because I put my all into it, I made it. I also kept putting forth my all into not only stepping but bonding with strange girls (and they are all strange lol), which has always been an obstacle for me. It's crazy how a team like this, and a win like the one we made that night, could make us close like sisters.

I LOVE MY ANNEX SQUAD!!!

Day 03: A picture of the cast from your favorite show

2011-03-10T16:21:00.002-06:00

This was a tough one because I have so many shows I love to watch!! I chose Project Runway obviously for the remarkable fashion that so many unique designers come up with. It's not as focused on arguments as other reality TV shows and competition shows and I love the fact that the judges are people worth judging fashion (with the exception of Heidi Klum. I like her, but honey you're just a model!). It shows people that fashion design is actually really hard, contrary to popular belief. Not everyone can do it, and not everyone can do it well.

Day 02: A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest

2011-03-09T22:55:00.004-06:00

My mother! Can't get any more closer than the womb, can it? :)

Well, besides the obvious...

Renise and I have been friends since kindergarten, and she's the only person from grammar school I've consistently been in contact with. We've known each other for 16 years now, and she's about as close to a biological sister that I can truly get. And when I get married, she's my automatic maid of honor! =P

Day 01: a picture of yourself and ten facts

2011-03-08T16:07:00.004-06:00

I don't like my first name. In my opinion, it's sounds only suitable for a young girl. I'd rather go by my newfound nickname, Jas Mone. :)
I'm an only child that doesn't like to be spoiled.
I'm addicted to sweets!
I'm tone-sensitive. It's more likely how you say it than what you say.
I love to laugh and make others laugh. It's therapeutic to the harsh realities of life.
The perm I got when I was 14 was my decision. So was the transition back to natural I started in 2009.
I wear a Women's size 12 in shoes.
I'm not a big fan of smoking, but I really hate cigarette smoking.
If I wasn't in school for fashion, I'd be a psychology or graphic design major.
I plan on permanently living overseas, in either Milan or London, and start a family there.

Blog Rejuvenation: 30 Days

2011-03-08T15:50:00.003-06:00

Well, I might as well try something new to encourage myself blog on the regular. I found this on a friend's Facebook page where each day pretty much is a picture that reveals things about you. I thought it was a good idea, so why not bring it to Blogger? In order to keep the suspense, I'm just going to title the different blog posts what they're supposed to be on that day instead of listing them all now.

My mom forwarded this e-mail to me and this is what it said

2011-01-29T15:29:00.001-06:00

I'M NOT GIVING MY BLACK BACK!

I'm Not Giving My Black Back! I'm not giving up my greens or my grits or saying "girl" and putting my hands on my hips. You see...Life for me ain't been no crystal stair and I'm not giving up Rosa Parks, Fannie Lou Hammer, Mary McLeod Bethune, Sojourner Truth, Madame C J. Walker, Toni Morrison, or Dr. Maya Angelou, 'cause you see, I am a phenomenal woman and I'm not giving my black back.

I'm not giving up my crown, waves, braids, curls, locks, kinks or scarves. I'm not giving up sitting in Ma's kitchen eating peach cobbler or sweet potato pie and hearing her ask me, "How you doing baby"?

I'm not giving up going to "You Buy, We Fry" on Fridays, or barbeques on Saturday playing bid whist, spades and slammin' those dominoes. I'm not giving back Harriet Tubman's train, Soul Train, Coltrane or the midnight train to Georgia. Now, you can meet me at the function at the junction but I still won't give up B.B. King, the Whispers, Fancy Ms. Nancy, Lena Horne, the Philadelphia Sound, Motown or the Temptations.

Cause you see, it's the way we do the things we do, like building the pyramids that still stand made by our forefathers' hands where the diamonds, oil, silver and gold are buried in our rich dark land.

I'm not giving my black back! I'm happy being happy with my wide hips and my wide nose and the rich melanin in my skin. I love putting lotion on my ashy legs.

Oh, I'm happy being nappy and being in the skin that I'm in. I won't deny or forget my ancestors who lay in a wet grave at the bottom of the sea in the Middle Passage from slave trade.

And I won't give up on our youth of today who still need a way made. I won't give back Miles even though he didn't smile. I won't give back Marvin Gaye, Richard Pryor, Phyllis Hyman, Billie Holiday or Billy Eckstein, Jackie Robinson or Jackie Wilson.

I won't give back the electric slide, Alvin Ailey, Bojangles or Debbie Allen. You think I'd give up reading my Jet, Ebony, Essence, Emerge, Black Enterprise, Heart and Soul or Upscale magazines? For we are a colorful people.

Like Curtis Mayfield sang, we are a people that are "darker than blue." We are honey, cinnamon, mahogany and chocolate. We are REDD Fox, James BROWN, Barry WHITE, The Mothers of the Church dressed in WHITE, The Color PURPLE, the Lady Who Sings the BLUES and we are Al GREEN with love and happiness.

Oh, NO... I'm not giving my black back!

I'm not giving back Maxine (Waters), Martin, Medgar, Malcolm, Mandela, Marley, Marcus, Muhammad Ali, the Michaels, Majic or the Million Man March. I'm not giving my black back.

Sometimes I Wonder...

2011-01-25T21:50:00.002-06:00

Sometimes I wonder if people realize that the color of the hand who's controlling the whip of oppression over Black America has gotten a little darker than white over the years.

Sometimes I wonder are people really empowered by their ancestry of slavery, or are they empowered to become the slave owners and do it right the second time around?

Sometimes I wonder how in one breath we (black people) want to uplift "our people" but at the end of that exhalation can dig the hole deeper for us to never get ourselves out the rut of oppression.

Sometimes I wonder how free will became so restricted, and when I became someone's negro puppet who must "do as I'm supposed to do" and "act right" like how the black "elite" does.

Sometimes I wonder why is it that the person who has the strongest opinion about what I do, watch, think, feel, and act looks just like me.

Sometimes I wonder can I really be "black and proud" when black people have often slandered my "blackness" so much that I'm not even proud to be a human being?

Do we realize what we're doing to each other? Probably not. Do we care? Most likely no, if it makes us look like the better person (a.k.a. uppity negro).

Neither Fan nor Stan

2011-01-25T00:05:00.002-06:00

DEFINITION OF A REAL CHRIS BROWN FAN: Goes that extra mile,supports him non stop & will stop anyone that gets in the way of his success.

You know, that definition actually weirded me out. And inspired me to actually come back to blogging after an unnecessarily long hiatus. Someone I'm following on Twitter actually retweeted this and it has reconfirmed what I've been thinking lately: I'm not Team Breezy. I'm not even a fan of Chris Brown.
Those that have known me for even a couple of months are bugging their eyes at this, probably saying things along the lines of "WHAAAAAAAT?!?! This girl NOT a Chris Brown fan?! What's the world coming too!!!" Yea, I'm thinking the same thing in the back of my mind too. But it's true.
I've been dabbling in a few Chris Brown sites, following fans on Twitter, and whatnot and what struck me is the insane go-hard attitude of some of these girls. One girl I had to unfollow because she was just too.... much. It was just #TeamBreezy this, that, and all the time. And she was all into the beef between Team Breezy and Rihanna Navy. By the way, I need to address that foolishness.
First of all, why are these teams beefing harder than the artists themselves? If you really all about Chris or Rihanna than you would grab your shovel, head to the backyard, and bury that bull. I'm pretty sure they're sick of having that topic of discussion being brought up in every interview, and I'm also pretty sure they huff and roll their eyes when their fans go back and forth over it.The way these two teams go back and forth with insults and attacks is more petty than the media slandering the both of them! It's ridiculous. If you give the opposition the attention they're asking for, of course they're going to keep it up and get more vicious. Has nobody learned that the easiest way to kill a bully is by NOT paying attention to it? *smacks self in the back of the head* Duh, I forgot, most of these girls haven't even hit their 16th birthdays yet.
Secondly, who's going to war? I'm not dying in the name of Breezy! And those Rihanna die-hards aren't about to strap on some grenades and march off to war in her name either (Although I wouldn't be surprised if some of them did). I wouldn't even lay a hand on someone else for them talking smack about Chris Brown. Maybe it's because I've never been in a fighting situation, but it's probably I'm confident in what I would and would not risk my physical well-being to defend. And if you got that much real angst to go to war, put on a REAL navy suit and head on overseas. All you have to do is imagine that the terrorists just said Rihanna can't sing. Have at it.
Third, what purpose does it serve to go completely out of your way and let people, more specifically a celebrity who you don't personally know and don't know and most likely don't care about you, know how much you hate him/her? Did you not realize how much time and effort you just put into him/her anyway? You look stupid. For instance, I liked Chris Brown's fan page on Facebook and while browsing through a discussion topic, I saw some random girl just dogging the mess out of him about that situation, mind you that was NOT what the topic was about. It was mind-boggling to me. If you were trying to recruit people to the I-Hate-Chris train, slandering his name isn't going to make anyone change their minds about him. If you're trying to stir up trouble just because you have nothing else important in your life to do, then by all means go get a rise out the dummies that will argue back at you. Two fools only make a funnier fight.
And why are these teams so much a part of your existence on this earth? I truly thought Team this, that, and the other were jokes. Like Team Jacob vs Team Edward. We all know their fictional characters and it's not that serious to make enemies over. Well, let me not assume too much..
Now back on topic: I'm not a fan for another reason. I don't know every little detail about him. You know how someone may ask a question on a subject they expect you to be an expert in, and when you can't answer it, they go "You don't know the answer to THAT??" Yea it's like that. I don't know Chris Brown's favorite color, favorite food, the name of his high school, his sister name, his daddy name, the meaning of all his tattoos, the name of his dogs, how high his new single is on the UK charts, none of that. And apparently fans/stans study celebrity lives like it's life or death to know it. Unfortunately, that's not me because I have other things in life that I need to devote that kind of time and effort to. Like college. I also am not pressed for him to follow me on Twitter. No offense to those who go hard for that follow, but I don't see the big deal. After he follows you, then what? He's not really going to react to your tweets and mentions; you can't have regular chit-chat convos with him because he's not going to respond. I guess it's just so people can brag that THE Chris Brown is following them? I don't think I can care less whether he is or isn't. If he was actually engaging his followers/followees in conversation, then that's what I'm about. I'd love to just sit and chill with the dude. But just stare at his twitcon under my Followers tab? I'm good.
So you know what? At the end of the day, I just love Chris Brown, the man and the artist. And I'm fine with standing back and letting the fans and stans kill themselves over him.

Short Story Revisited

2010-11-14T00:37:00.002-06:00

It's crazy how it seems that something written so long was written for the sole purpose of being relevant for a future moment, that moment happening to be right now. I remember writing a story long ago, and I hunted it down and reread it. The message was so powerful and relevant that I decided to bring it out from behind the shadows into the light (there are some stories and poems I write with the intention to keep them for my eyes only). This short story is entitled "The Best Friend in the World."

Midnight on a Saturday night. Everyone in the Woodrow dorm was either cakin' on the phone with a loved one, gone to the various clubs around Atlanta, or in other people's rooms playing spades. Darrell was lying awake in bed in his lonely room; his roommate went home for the weekend. He had a funny feeling about this time. His fingers started to tingle, and as he reached for his cell to "check the time", it vibrated to announce a text.

Chanel walked out of the Hopkins all-girls dorm on a mission. Her blood red peep-toe stilettos clicked and clacked against the pavement towards her destination. Her face held a vibrant expression to match her outfit. Guys and girls alike couldn't help but follow her with their eyes until their brain started to hurt from the strain. Chanel walked across the wide campus and into the Woodrow dorm in 20 minutes. Her stroll didn't entail anger or desperation, but a cool and smooth as she walked up 5 flights of stairs.

Darrell was on Facebook chatting with high school buddy and filling in each other on the fly girls on campus and which one talked to them when he heard 3 weak knocks on his room door. "g2g i'll catch up wit ya latr man" he typed to a friend and quickly closed his laptop. In his wife beater, gray basketball shorts, sweat socks, and slip on flip-flops he made his way to answer the door. On the other side was Chanel, her vibrant expression not so vibrant anymore.
They just stared at each other for a few seconds. In the blink of an eye, Chanel's composure crumbled and Darrell acted quick enough to catch her before her fragile frame broke against the concrete floor. He escorted her in without a word, and she stumbled in without a word as well. With his free hand Darrell closed the door.
Chanel had so many best friends that she could count on for moral support and those words of inspiration when she needed them. Earlier that day, she had struggled with herself and texted a very close best friend, one that she would have trusted with her life. The friend gave her opinion, but it skirted over the problem and Chanel felt that it didn't help. And if her friend couldn't help then who can? Devastated, she turned to her true source of solutions.
All that was heard on the 5th floor were heavy sighs and sobs, and sometimes screams. But anyone would know those sighs, sobs, and screams weren't born from pleasure. Those were the sounds coming from the depths of one's soul. Those sounds were the sounds of a soul reaching out to the world from its captive cage, the cage of denial. The soul that was desperately trying to be discovered for so long, fighting to break free and truly inhabit the body so it could shine from the inside out and show the person's true colors. With those sounds, it tried to break free.
After over an hour, the sounds ceased. 15 minutes later, a door on the floor opened. Stiletto heels echoed down the hall and the floors and were gone within a minute. A naive guy opened the door and stuck his head out just in time to see Chanel as she escaped down the stairs with an exasperated looking Darrell standing at his story. From afar, Darrell's wife beater looked crumbled up and damp. With a nosy gleam in his eye, he casually made his way over to Darrell. "Damn, nigga, you was hittin' that shit fo' real!" he said in an approving tone. "Nah, man, it ain't even like that," Darrell corrected him. "That's my friend."

"Sometimes you just need that guy friend that doesn't have any encouraging words to ease your mind, or any opinions that you'll refuse to accept as truth because it seems just like what a friend would say. He doesn't even need to say two words to make you feel so much better than your best friend would after so many hours of going back and forth. Sometimes all you need is just an available, strong shoulder to cry on to just hold on to and let it all out. Just a friend who knows what you're going through without you having to explain it in detail, or even at all; and he'd be alright with sitting there comforting you and doesn't care how messy it gets. He'd hold you until it was all over, and with that, he'd show he genuinely cared about you. That friend, that guy friend, is the best friend a girl can have in the whole wide world," Chanel wrote in her dairy later that night with a smile on her face. A relieved smile.

Ladies, cherish your guy friends. Guys, remember that you're always cherished.

Personal Challenge Thoughts So Far

2010-11-09T23:50:00.004-06:00

I think I've made some progress in recognizing thoughts that are complaints and trying to block them out accordingly. On the flip side, I know some of my thoughts I've been questionable on. I feel like I'm making up excuses as to why some negative thoughts are okay because they're not complaining about something per say. I still feel guilty after making the excuse, so I know that I must make according changes to my personal challenge in order to have more improvement for the results. So, I shall be reporting this: all unnecessarily negative thoughts are to be eliminated. For instance, when a person does something that may annoy you, it's no need to focus your thoughts on how "stupid" that person is, how and why that irritates you, etc. Some things just need to happen in life without meditation so that you can focus on things that really need your focus. And it's a lot of things in my life I really need to focus on right now, such as my e-board positions as well as my first day of tutoring this Thursday. It's already been a hectic week between the two and it's only Wednesday. Having Thursday off from school isn't any help, because I won't be able to enjoy it because of so many things to do and how much time I'm spending worrying about it. I need to just let things happen as they're supposed to and not how I want them too...

Personal Challenge Day 1

2010-11-05T00:07:00.002-05:00

Today was so amazing! I'm not sure if it's because I'm not complaining anymore, but I've just been in tune with so much positive radiance today. Despite what got done and what didn't get done, I barely remember the hardships of the day. Where there even any to begin? That's how fleeting my memory of the negativity of today was. I laughed like I haven't laughed in years, smiled harder than I have since I've been here this semester, and just had a bubbly spirit for no reason. It's like my eyes have been opened up to what's really out there in the world to cherish. And the little things to smile about become more than just little things. I hope there are more days like this to come!

Personal Challenge

2010-11-03T21:04:00.003-05:00

I've decided to go on a personal challenge of no complaints for the rest of the month. To make things clear, I will post the definition of complaint I'll be following:

Complaint ~ an expression of discontent, regret, pain, censure, resentment, or grief; lament; faultfinding

This pretty much eliminates all negativity for me. And that's a good thing. I've seen negativity harden so many people's souls and I've felt how icky it felt when I make myself susceptible to complaint. It's a deadly toxic that will consume you, and I feel this challenge will allow me to not only keep myself away from that negativity but repel other's complaints from having such horrible influence on me. Focusing on the negative is a guarantee to miss the many blessings that are in store for me everyday. Not only that, but it makes time fly by so much more faster and I wind up not getting things done in a timely manner or at all. So, from this point on, no complaints will come from my mouth. Internally, I will do my best to keep complaining thoughts at bay so that this challenge will have the most beneficial effect for me overall. Since this blog barely gets any play, I might as well document my daily thoughts and obstacles until December 1st.

Wish me luck! And if you want to join, do so! Post your daily updates on your blog and send the blog link to me as a comment to this post. It'd be wonderful to have a support system! :)

Am I Really "not black enough"?

2010-10-19T00:30:00.008-05:00

My roommate and I got into a conversation concerning movie preferences. It started with School Daze, how it was a movie that made people want to go to a HBCU, and somehow ended upon black vs. white movies. Her side was that white movies aren't interesting because she can't relate to them, which is a must to watch a movie, My side was that movies are just for entertainment purposes, and there was no such thing as black movies, that black people only want to make it that way because they want to see everything as black or white and not the gray area.

I started this thought on my Twitter, so I'll re-post my tweets here and begin my thoughts again:

"Sometimes I wonder if I'm missing out connectin with other black ppl cuz my experiences weren't cloaked in "black only" like them. Or maybe that's just my spirit tellin me there's more to life than only what u know, see and how ppl categorize what you're supposed to feel, that there's more to being black, and enjoying things that I don't relate to is ok. that there's a gray area and the only ppl keepin it from bein that gray area is the same ppl who say it's black and black only. Maybe I'm open to givin things chances when I shouldn't b?"

I've been struggling with what I've jokingly dubbed as "pro-blackness" since I've been in college. It seems like "black" has to be tacked on to every part of your identity. BLACK music, BLACK movies, strong BLACK mother, etc. And I never got it. I'm pretty sure it's because my mother or other family members never shoved it down my throat that I'm black and only black and there's only black or white in the world with no alternative. She just let me live my life experiencing as much as possible without seeing life as a specific color, or race for that matter. And sometimes it seems like I'm the only one who sees life like that. And being at an all-black university where it feels like you against everyone else makes me think I'm missing something in my life.
More than once I've heard people prefer this something over that something because they can relate to it. And I feel like I don't need to relate to anything to watch it. Truth be told, if I had to watch a movie or TV special, or listen to music that I could relate to, I wouldn't hardly watch or listen to anything. Frankly, I'd just be missing out on it all. But yet I still do. I don't relate to having divorced parents, I don't relate to the single-parent household, I don't relate to being married, I don't relate to having large family reunions in the south, I don't relate to being lower or lower-middle class with a parent struggling to make ends meet with more than one minimum wage jobs. And these scenarios are usually the main focus in black films. My mind is open to these many possibilities in a plot anyway regardless of whether I've experienced them firsthand or not and regardless of if the cast looks like me or not. However, I seem to be the only one, at least in the people I've had this conversation with at my school, that has an open mind like this.
Just because I'm willing to step outside of what being black is (or in my opinion "supposed to be") doesn't mean I don't love where and who I come from, that I'm not proud. I don't disown #mypeople, nor am I trying to keep black people from pushing FORWARD. Just from these extremely absurd accusations, I'm getting the impression that if I like listening to Lady Gaga, read books in my leisure time, or know who Nicole Kidman and Angelina Jolie are that I'm a "wannabe," or "anti-black" or something. Maybe there really is a "black card" out there I didn't know about where I must only support movies with an all-black cast, have seen Love and Basketball enough times to know all the words, and go crazy for fried chicken in order to really be black.

So is it me? Am I really "not black enough"? It feels like I'm in the middle of a tug-o-war between "us" and "them" and if I'm not completely with "us," then I'm with "them" and disowned or maybe even hopeless to be sold to "the cause." So if I don't belong with "us" and don't belong with "them," then where do I belong? Am I just hanging in limbo, unable to make a solid connection with either and being stuck in the gray area by myself?

Resting on Legacy

2010-09-17T14:52:00.003-05:00

My school is getting a bad rep in the DC community, and there's no surprise in that. And it's getting to be so annoying at how hypocritical we are!

To inspire the students, people often tell us, "You're sitting in the seats of such greats as _______, ________, and ______." We have plenty PAST greats, but the way it's looking, nobody from THIS generation will be mentioned in that previous statement. What's the point of going to a school for the legacy if you are undoing their work and not trying to continue building upon that legacy? That'll make people say, "Oh, these innovators went to this school but after a while, the students just started going downhill from there." We can expect 100% of the classes to carry Howard's name to its fullest potential but less than 10% are making that move to do so.
I tweeted "folks thirsty to show up to parties but can't show up for an org's community service #yallkillme #icant" and that's true. Everyone wants to start their weekend with Thirsty Thursday, trying to find where the party's at, and dedicating their utmost to it. But the turnout to some organization's events, especially community service, is very minimal, unless it's Greek affiliated. This is killing our reputation in the community. They already despise us for various reasons. Now we're giving them another by not fufilling our promises of volunteer turnouts. This affects their business because they needed us to be there and their impression of us is that we won't live up to our word because we're busy flaking. That's going to hurt those who are dedicated and go through with promised plans.
We're prepping ourselves to widen the gap between the university and the community. The first thing I was told coming in freshmen year was, "Don't talk to the locals." First off, this whole "locals" thing is giving a negative connotation to a population we know nothing about. Crime is expected everywhere. However, when they say "Oh, them locals did it," that's like expecting them to do worse. Isn't that what white people expected of us? Crime reports say an African-American x-y-z and people say "Oh yea of course." We don't like that. So why would we do it to our own people? Who do we think we are? Nobody is above no one on this Earth, and that's so insulting and hypocritical that we're doing that to ourselves. Second off, it's not even that serious. People who usually have bad run-ins with Washingtonians usually started it with a smart attitude or following their own advice and not speaking when spoken to. That's rude; of course someone will response in a rude manner. Be polite. It's common sense, and it's respectful.

Now I'm not trying to say I'm the perfect student who's dedicated to building up the legacy but it's common sense stuff my peers are taking for granted that annoys me, especially when it's the norm. And you can't fight the norm, unfortunately. It's just a start to stop trying to cover up our mistakes and really accept that we have a long way to go to get Howard back on the right track to the foundation of greatness our alumni have build for us. Let's #dobetter.

Chivalry is #dead? #Fail

2010-09-02T15:41:00.002-05:00

Let me set up the premise here:
I'm walking into my dorm. The dorm requires that working ID's be swiped on a system in order to open the door. There are four guys and myself behind the now locked door. I take the initiative to dig around in my purse and find my ID. I notice that none of the guys are even making their way towards the machine. Alright, fine; I already moved that way anyway so why crowd around the small alert system. My ID works, and the door is opened. Now pay attention here:
Guy 1 opens the door. With the slight gesture that he had no intention of holding the door open for anyone else, he enters. Guy 2 does the same. Guy 3 does the same. Guy 4 doesn't even give me the opportunity to walk in front of him to enter the door; he walks through and doesn't attempt to hold the door for those behind him too. You know what I wound up doing? Holding the door for all four guys. I'm sorry, but did I just become a guy all of a sudden? That really blew my mind. And what really kept the thought fresh in my head was that one of the guys had to get off the elevator at the same floor as me and zoomed out before I did. Oh, so "ladies first" is really for the birds now?
That's so crazy to me! I know the majority of the males here were taught better than that by their mothers, yet they act like they're the only living organism that deserves to be treated with respect. Whoa. And then the same guys turn around and want to get upset about women becoming independent and doing everything for themselves. If you want to be the guy, then act like it. Or else, we can care less, put on the pants ourselves and bust out our own pocketbooks. Screw you if you feel like less of a man. If you were a man PERIOD, you wouldn't have to worry about that now would you??
It's so irritating to me that being a mannerless, disrespectful (yes, a non-chivalrous man is disrespectful) man is the norm these days. I just had to get that out my head and off my chest really quick.

Financial Meltdown

2010-08-31T23:30:00.003-05:00

My checking account is at its all-time low right now. And I'm so ashamed of myself.
I don't know what is possessing my spending habits right now. I've been at school for less than a month. I'm only in the second week of classes. Why and how am I spending more than I have in the past two years of college? Have prices gone up, or am I just too nonchalant about what I spend my money on so soon? First off, I would like to blame some of my money loss on Forever 21. I think I would be $175 richer than I am right now had I not gone on my back-to-school shopping spree in their department store. Curse them and their cheap and cute clothing. Secondly, I would like to blame the uncoolness factor of going to the cafe, in conjunction with not living with the convenience of having a cafe downstairs from my room. I have no problem eating at the general cafeteria. However, juniors are apparently too cool to eat with the freshmen, and so they shouldn't. And if you eat by yourself there? It's a catastrophe. Then on top of that, I'm in a completely new dorm that's a longer walk from the main campus, and all I want to do after classes is just go back to my dorm. And that means I will never touch base on campus until I have an organizational meeting or for classes the next day. Third, I would like to blame my lack of grocery knowledge. I don't have signature dishes that I know how to cook, nor do I know what I need to cook them. This leads to either multiple trips to the grocery store, buying snacks instead of meals, and/or just not knowing what to buy so not buying anything (and starving, which leads to desperate McDonalds runs). Now I realize that I can't afford to do that. No, I literally can't afford to do that.
I'm not going to get into my account specifics, but I get really uncomfortable when my funds get close to $200. And it's currently way less than that. Way way less. And I have no job to replenish the account. I'm left helpless to rely on my mom to supply me with whatever money she can after paying bills, bills, and bills. And I can't get a job because I'm just way too backed up in life right now. I hate feeling helpless and without a "just in case" cushion behind me, and I'm not fond of taking money out of savings for something presently trivial when I could use it for something more significant in the future.
So... now what? How do I reserve my finances? How do I spend wisely? How do I budget? WHAT SHOULD I DO?!

School Year Intuition

2010-08-27T14:14:00.003-05:00

Freshman year, I was excited to see what the college life was like and explore the different opportunities on-campus activities had to offer. Sophomore year, I was ready to work the school year out and had a goal of getting a 4.0 both semesters (Unfortunately I was a total of one grade shy, thanks to Costume in Theater. But I'll leave my comments on that class in the past). Junior year.... something's just not feeling right to me. I guess it's because I'm slowly making my way towards the real world and I'm weary of what the future outside of college will hold. It might be because I have more on my plate than usual this school year (3 e-board positions, a new minor, and an internship) and I'm worried about how well I may handle it. Or maybe it's just something that my mind can't really fathom right now but that my gut knows something will be up about this year. The excitement hasn't hit me yet. My mind is still in summer and hasn't tuned into academic mode yet. And the unknown at this point in life is slightly frightening.
About Classes:
One class has already started off on the worst foot possible. Accounting 201. That class usually evokes fear in business majors worldwide. For me, it evokes annoying frustration. Let me start at the beginning. I signed up for a teacher who had fairly nice ratings on RateMyProfessors.com. I show up to class on Monday and there's a completely different teacher. And I can hardly understand her. I know myself too well to know that I would fail if I stayed in this class, so I switched to another class that fit better with my schedule. Wednesday, I arrived to the first day of my new class. THE SAME TEACHER WALKS IN TO TEACH. I nearly died. It was like something out of the Twilight Zone or something. Was I just doomed to fail before I began?! Oddly enough, the teacher's name I keep encountering does not show up on the class registration site, yet the teacher's name who does claims he doesn't even have a class number or roster, that he was told of his classes a week before school started. Um, what?! I'm pretty much screwed until I can get into this other teacher's class. Talk about a great first week. My other classes seem like they'll be fine, though. It's just this accounting class!
About Extra-Curriculars:
I'm going to be really busy. First off, creating a new organization will be difficult. So far, I have everything I need to do, but the technicalities of the e-board and getting good with central scheduling to request rooms is not going to be easy. Also, I have yet to find an advisor for the org, and that is a must. I have a potential teacher in mind, but all I have to do is state my case to her and hope she's not too busy. Secondly, the other two e-board positions I'm going to hold might conflict when it comes to scheduling (I think I already have one coming up next month). And there are other clubs I want to join as a member but will require meetings and event attendance to get RSVP points. And let's not forget these membership fees!
Other Things About the Year:
Money. I need a job. Enough said. I'm already asking my mom to send more money and I just got here about two weeks ago! The price of groceries and traveling via metro is ridiculous. I can't fathom why it cost so much. And the worst thing about it is that you need to use public transportation to get anywhere besides campus. *sigh*
Social Activities. Around this time, filmmakers want to put out all the best movies. Why didn't they do this during the summer when I had my mom with me?! I'm handling my own money now, so it's even harder to make executive decisions concerning what to spend money on and where to save. People love to go out to eat, too, so I'll need more money for that. Or just cook these pizzas I have in the freezer and call it a night.
Hair. So I'm finally all natural and I'm doing pretty well so far in taking good care of it. But the longer the hair gets, the more you're going to have to work with it. I'm sort of dreading that time, only because I might have to revolve my time around it. The length will be GREAT because I'll be able to do more with it than I can now, though. Oh, by the way, I have a new hair diary blog up and running, so click here so view and follow!
Faith. I'm taking steps to become confirmed in the Lutheran religion. It's pretty difficult doing it while away at college, but I'm working things out with my pastor. He's more of a face-to-face kind of person, so most of our lessons will be done during my breaks instead of via e-mail. I still want to do some personal reading of the Bible on my own time outside of my confirmation lessons, though. I barely have time to read leisurely, so I know it'll be a struggle to go through the Bible without a set schedule as well as retain, understand, and apply the information.

Anyone else having a crazy school year (or just general year) intuition?

Stranded

2010-08-20T15:03:00.002-05:00

School's about to start. Usually I do all the fun things I can with my friends the week before (I mean, I'm here early, so why not?). However, all my friends are ghost. They have jobs, they have other friends to hang with, they don't answer my texts, they haven't gotten here yet, they haven't reached out to see what I'm doing... whatever the reason is, I've been pretty much stranded in my dorm room unwillingly (with the exception of the one day I've been sick) and have been dying to absorb some Vitamin D!! Well not really because I hate the sun, but I would just like to at least see the light of day.
So what's a girl supposed to do? I'm not really for spending money on transportation any more than I have to. Mostly because of the fare increase, and partly because I don't have anymore money to spend on it! I still have groceries to get, a trip to Richmond to pay for, and at least some kind of back up money to have for when people want to go out to eat or just out in general. Everywhere is farther than my preferred walking distance. Besides, I don't want to just be outside for the hell of it; I want to DO SOMETHING.
"All dressed up and nowhere to go" is the slogan of my life right now. -_-

Summer Reflection Better Said in Another's Words

2010-08-18T19:20:00.003-05:00

Of course a summer reflection is not anything new to do before starting a new school year. With starting school next Monday, (*sigh*) that reflection was coming to this blog soon. However, someone I followed beat me to it and said pretty much all there needs to be said about this point in life that I (as well as she) am in. You can read her whole post here, but I'm going to take a snippet of what hit home to me the most:

soph·o·mor·ic
Pronunciation: \ˌsäf-ˈmȯr-ik, -ˈmär- also ˌsȯf- or ˌsä-fə- or ˌsȯ-fə-\
Function: adjective

1 : conceited and overconfident of knowledge but poorly informed and immature

2. Exhibiting great immaturity and lack of judgment

sophomore slump: A period of developmental confusion and usually results from a student's struggle with becoming a competent college student, gaining the autonomy and independence they seek, developing their new identities as adult and college students, and finding their purpose in life

Many college students, especially my fellow students of the class of 2012, can really really relate to this definition, especially the definition of "sophomore slump." For me, the confusion is a lump sum of transitioning from a girl to a woman, realizing my place in society (whether it be what I want it to be or how it is perceived to be), and from no longer being a teenager or attracted to teenage-ish ways. On top of that, the academic year of being a sophomore was not one to write home about. Not that it was completely catastrophic, but it was full of life-changing decisions, harsh judgment calls, and intense reflections. Completely different from the past years.
With that being said, this summer was also unlike all the rest and requires me to look back and use my past to better my future. Here are my thoughts on the summer:

Marketing is not for me. I need more of a creative environment to keep myself interested and engaged with my coworkers.
Patience is key. Or else you're going to rip all your hair out (on accident or on purpose).
When you don't get that thing you really want, it's because He thinks you're not ready for it. Not just yet. Or sometimes the moral of the story doesn't even have to do with you.
Sometimes it's better on the soul to see your friends only a few times a year rather than everyday. It allows you to appreciate them more and keeps the friendship strong.
Sometimes only you can understand yourself. Figure out that language you're speaking and get fluent in it!
Comfort zones are really small, no matter how "diverse" you think you are. And sometimes that's okay. You will want to broaden your horizons, but at the same time you can't force yourself to be the antithesis of yourself.
You're never really alone. All you have to do is pray and talk to Him.
If it's eating you up inside, spit it out. (If you have problems with someone, let them know or else it'll never be solved and the only one affected is you.)
My quote: "The choice is mine whether to make my hardships speed bumps or dead ends. Now that I think about it, if I keep making dead ends, I'll always be stuck here and will possibly close a door I was meant to go through."

Husband Hunting

2010-08-16T12:58:00.002-05:00

It must be a unwritten social rule that if you don't find husband-material by the time you graduate from college, the pickings will be slimmer than ever and you can consider yourself a cat lady. It's much worse on my campus because it's about 9-10 girls for every guy, and the number keeps rising every year. So what's a girl supposed to do?

Not care.

I take it this way: Either I'm not destined to meet him at this point in my life or I'm not destined to meet him at all. And there's no way to change that; it's God's will, not mine. I'm not going to stretch my morals to find someone that's not compatible with me in the first place. Why should I be the one to bend, or dedicate my life to him for that matter? If he's just going to sit back and wait for "the one" to come to him, well me too!
This is such a random thought, but being surprised that there are cute freshmen arriving on campus and the my emotion conflict with that fact made me just share this little tidbit of my mind. I mean, I'm not trying to find nobody anyway, yet my instincts where telling me to act fast before someone else snatches them up. Weird, must be a girl thing.

To Be a Kid Again

2010-08-09T23:40:00.004-05:00

This weekend I learned the important lesson: be careful what you wish for.

Don't we all want to be kids again? Creative with no cares in the world? No bills, no rules and restrictions, and no fear of judgment? Well, I would say I don't. If anything, I would like the carefree responsibility and the open-mindedness of a child, but I don't think I want to go back there just yet.
This weekend was the Monster Diversity Leadership Program I mentioned on my blog before. I was expecting a weekend of workshops, tips, and a chill atmosphere to get to connect with peers and enhance my leadership skills. What greeted me was loud music, enthusiastic volunteers, and a soul train line. I went along with it for Friday, danced a little, participated here and there, and everything was fine. I didn't get too weirded out about it because I just assumed it was to warm up people to each other. Little did I know that they weren't lying when they said, "This is only the slow day." At nine in the morning, after having to get to the dining hall two hours before, I had to go through more soul train lines, more dancing, and now endless screaming. In a business suit. I was thoroughly confused. You have me bring professional attire for a college-level professional program, yet I feel like I'm in summer camp back in the '90s. Or on the elementary school playground back in first grade.
I attempted to remain open-minded and tried not to crawl back into my Don't-talk-to-me cave, and I was pretty alright with trying to duck and dodge the facilitators that were egging people on the dance in the aisle and join the large congo line going around the room. However, I had my breaking point with the first group activity. I have discovered that I can't work well with those who work only with themselves. It's a permanent turn-off, and it hinders group progress instead of aiding it.
Another turn-off is disorganization. I was really upset that the weekend turned into a play-it-by-ear affair. A program that doesn't last for so long should have stuck to the schedule they created and allotted for errors, appropriate durations for certain events, and especially the physical capabilities of the students involved. The more important workshops should've been given more time in exchange for the less important (and pointless) chanting and dancing (weird, it makes it seem like some kind of cult). As for the giveaways, something should've been anticipated regarding duplicates. Sure, the person randomly won, but do you not feel sympathy for the other 299 students here who don't have that opportunity to win two things, let alone those who didn't even win one? Yes, I'm feeling pretty salty about not winning a $500 Target gift card or an iPad, but I think I'm at least slightly unbiased with my desire for the opportunity for a single reward for a single person, especially in a large crowd of 300 (This is Sparta!! Sorry, I couldn't resist). Keeping in mind the schedules of students: we need sleep!! Additionally, there are also some people who are not the non-stop party-goers who love the rush of competition and wild chants. And they will apply for the program, and you will accept them. The real challenge comes with creating an environment that will accommodate them openly yet push (not force) their boundaries at the same time.
Truth be told, I'm not going to go around recommending this program to just anyone. If I know the person and their personality, I'd tell those that were more boldly outgoing in their nature to participate in it. I'll also give them the disclaimer that the program didn't give to their prospective participants: it's like summer camp with business suits on.

With that being said, I have to dive right in to my "grown-up" mode and get ready to head back to school on Wednesday. Fun times...

I Don't Understand

2010-08-05T17:00:00.004-05:00

People kill me sometimes. If you don't want to hang with me, just tell me. Don't string me along and say, "Yea sure!" if you're just going to constantly stand me up and not show remorse. I rather hear, "Look, I really don't want to hang right now. Sorry I haven't really seen you all summer but I'm not going to make any plans I'm probably not going to keep." I'll even be okay with, "Yea, uh... we're not really best friends. I just like having someone there to call that." At least it'd be the truth. It'll save me so many empty justifications and heartaches, and I won't have to keep going through this cycle of blaming myself just to keep you as a best friend. It's nuts how folks swear up and down they'll be there, how much you go out your way for them, and how little effort they really put in in the end. And how much I just keep falling for it over and over and over again. Like, really?? Why can't people stick with their word anymore? Am I being too old school assuming that if you make plans you will keep them, and that best friends are the ones who actually make time for you and make the most efforts to keep the friendship strong? Maybe I've been watching too much Sex and the City and got wrapped up in that false reality that friends spend more time with each other than they do with their boyfriends, that best friends are your true soulmates. And also that friends are available at the ready whenever you have a crisis at any time of the day, even if they don't have the up-to-par technology. Side note: It's funny how those that have the latest gadgets and accounts to keep them in touch with everyone are the ones you can get ahold of the least. Bizarre.

It probably all goes back to how much priority friends have in my life and how sensitive I am to broken promises, even the small ones. Or is that me making excuses for people again?

Well whatever it is, I'm done with it for real this time. I'm going to be upfront and honest on how much you've let me down and how I'm considering the end of this "friendship." It's just not fair to me, but you might not even care anyway.
~Fin

Free Bird & Post-College Whereabouts

2010-07-26T12:53:00.004-05:00

I have come to the conclusion that I am not meant to stay in one place for my whole life. I love my hometown, and I'm certain that there will never be a city that will come close to it, but I must leave. Twenty years is a nice amount of time to know and explore a place. It's more than a nice amount; it's too much. I knew I was the type of person that would never come home to stay when I took a vacation to Nassau, Bahamas in 2004. That was around the time where I started to imagine where I've lived in my past lives, but that's besides the point.
When I think about it, the thought of living in a whole new environment was never a possibility to me until I went out of the country. I was so drawn to the rich cultures, the sense of community, and the different pace of life that I felt like this was where I was supposed to be. Is that an inkling that my spirit belongs out of the US? Maybe. I often say it anyway, but seeing that my funds must be nicely in order before I can even think about booking a flight there, I will still have to find a temporary place in the United States. Who knows, maybe the perfect city may change my mind (doubt it).

That being said, I need to figure out where's the place to be at after college. Yes, it's about that time to really fly from the nest and find my own place elsewhere, especially since I only have two more years left of comfortable college living before diving head-first into the real world (I can hardly contain my excitement :-| ). However, the pros and cons of various places and my fickle, picky nature is making it pretty difficult for me to either find a place or settle for less. So I decided to blog out my thoughts concerning various places in the world:

New York City~ This is pretty much where all the good fashion internships, jobs, and careers are. FIT and Parson's, both of which are the top fashion schools in the United States, are conveniently located here as well. I would be 100% retarded if I didn't move there ASAP, right? Well, my thing is that I'm not fond of public transportation. I don't care that it gets you everywhere, I don't care how clean it is, I'm just not doing it. I want a car where I live, and traffic in NYC is horrible 24/7 (at least that's what I've heard). Also, rent is outrageously expensive here, and that's not ideal for a recent college grad who doesn't have a paying job to begin with. There would be no alternative but find a roommate and split a two-bedroom, and even then it might be ridiculously expensive. So the other chick might have to just settle sleeping in the living room in a single room. :)
Final Verdict: I might settle. If it comes to it, I guess I'll be doing some dorm living with a roommate.

Los Angeles~ Here, it's normal to have a car and drive like a crazed lunatic. Sounds comforting to me; I have a lead foot anyway. I've checked pet-friendly apartments and they seem very reasonably priced. As an alternative to FIT, there's another fashion school (Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising) that offers what they call a "Professional Designation Associate of Arts Degree," which is for those who already have a bachelor's degree. One setback: earthquakes. Can I handle that? Uhhh, probably not; the image of "2012" comes to mind. Besides, if the sea overflows, Cali is going down first. Why take that risk of starting a new life there when I'll just be drowned out soon?
Final Verdict: Since it's temporary, it might be a "yes."

Washington, DC~ I've spent two years here to know that I don't have that spark that I fit in here or love it. Georgetown's pretty okay, but DC doesn't have the fashion job opportunities that I need to succeed.
Final Verdict: I'll pass.

Chicago~ My perfect place, but I think I've had my share of it. Even so, I have to admit that there are some nicely priced pet-friendly apartments in nice communities and there are countless fashion jobs (I'd just have to find them!).
Final Verdict: Only as a last resort.

Atlanta~ Everyone and their mother's mother wants to move here. I'm going to go out on a limb and say it'll be overpopulated by the time I get out of college, and overpopulated with folks I know (or don't want to know) at that.
Final Verdict: No thanks!

Philadelphia~ I was discussing with my friend about post-grad plans, and she suggested Philly. It never really occurred to me to think of Philly, but it was worth a shot of doing a little basic research. Well, I found out that the fashion job market looks pretty okay, I wouldn't say it's great for entry-level (but then again, that's everywhere when it comes to fashion). The apartments fluctuate in pricing, so I'm assuming the more expensive ones are the "good" neighborhoods. That's another story to research. On the bright side, it's a two hour drive to New York City so I can go there often without being all up in that combustion and expensive living.
Final Verdict: We'll see...

Austin~ It's supposedly the best dressed city in Texas. Interesting. I've never been to Texas before, and I'd be interested to move there. It also has a 7% unemployment rate. However, I prefer the seasons to change instead of going from hot to hotter. I would probably have to do more research as to how the fashion job market in Austin really is.
Final Verdict: We'll see...

Canada (Montreal or Toronto)~ This idea popped into my head via a suggestion by my mom. And it's a really good suggestion, too. The pet-friendly apartments are STUPID affordable for the amount of square feet they're offering. Plus, the fashion industry is very nice there and they also have Blanche MacDonald, a fashion school there. I will probably be able to have a car, and if I need something from the states, it won't take me centuries to get there (I don't think). The only thing that might be a turn-off is the weather. Moving higher up towards the North Pole makes the climate much colder, and I'm not feeling super cold just as I'm not feeling super hot.
Final Verdict: It's a possibility

London~ London's lovely, and it's bigger than NYC in terms of fashion. However, the US dollar to euro conversion would leave me more broke than I am and probably as an over-qualified homeless.
Final Verdict: I'll need about 10+ years.

Must be a Summer Thing

2010-07-24T18:37:00.002-05:00

For the past two years, I've gotten tattoos during the summer (July '08 and August '09). And I'm feeling the itch again. It's probably because an animal shelter had a fundraiser at a tattoo shop where 100% of the proceeds directly benefited the shelter. I love animals and tattoos, so it's only fitting that I would be extremely interested in this offer. I missed it, though, and ever since I've been hashing out my tattoo map (last year I actually made a body "map" of where I wanted the various tattoo ideas I've had hanging around in my head. Don't judge me) and scheming of a new design.
I keep coming back to my original plan of a shoulder tattoo. However, the main object keeps changing. First, I planned on getting a fairy with a lotus in her hair and tribal wings that would have the Latin phrase "Luctor et Emergo," meaning "I struggle and emerge" hidden in the wings. My tattoo map still has the fairy but a Sanskrit or Latin phrase running alongside of it. Currently, I appreciate what the fairy represents, but I think I'm over that being on my body. So I'm currently thinking about just getting a butterfly with the same wings, that way it'll also symbolize the saying, "Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it turned into a butterfly." Now the problem is this: I think butterfly tattoos are SO cliche and I would hate to get one. However, there is no other logical way to represent that saying without the image of a butterfly coming to mind. And I don't just want the quote (which was also on my tattoo map) or the Latin phrase standing alone; it's just that I prefer visual tattoos. Unless... Maybe a nice font would make it look good. However, instead of having one tattoo with two meanings, there'd be two separate tattoos and two separate costs. I guess I'll have to think about that some more. And maybe get a job before another tattoo.

Obsessive Internet Disorder

2010-07-22T21:53:00.004-05:00

Hi. My name is Jasmyn Thomas, and I'm addicted to the internet.

This blog has never been so appropriately titled. I realized just now how much useless time I spend on the internet, half of the time just thinking of sites to go to just to stay on the computer. It's nuts! I feel like I need to start a SecondLife account and create an animated alter ego or a World of Warcraft account or anything else that just screams "nerd without a life." The internet is so convenient, though. If you have a question or want to learn more about something, just put in Google. Chatting with friends is as easy as logging on to Facebook, or at least sending them an e-mail. I can easily entertain myself with CafeWorld or Shockwave.com. If I have issues I want to immediate discuss I put it on my blog.
I'm suspecting that it's probably the reason why I haven't been able to complete any of my summer goals. I haven't touched my sewing machine since last summer, and I had planned to make skinny jeans, shorts, and hair accessories out of lace. I've also been an avid reader and proud of it. This summer it's taken me forever to finish books, and sometimes I even find myself reading with the laptop open in nearby, just in case I needed it. Sure, I go out and don't really think about it, but as soon as I step foot in the door I go straight to the computer. I'm also up until as late as 4am just on the internet without a purpose, and I'm pretty sure I spend more hours on the internet a week than I do sleeping. The first thing I do in the morning isn't going to the bathroom. It's turning on the computer to check my cafe on Cafe World. It's that crippling.

I feel like a lame.

Comfort Zoning

2010-07-17T13:53:00.003-05:00

I'm noticing more and more now how comfortable I am in my comfort zone. Too comfortable. So comfortable in fact that it's not a comfort zone; it's becoming a crippling zone. I rely too much on my old ways to actually make moves to progress to the future I often envision. As soon as I try to take a step out of my zone to better myself, I'm right back in it the next day. What makes it even worse is that I know I'm doing this. Once I'm back in my comfort zone, I'm pretty much just complaining without action, comfortable in my comfort zone. And there are so many comfort zones I'm stuck in too, from the not-so-important to the so-important-it's-annoying:

Fashion~ Fun fact: I have my comfort zone of wearing big things. I first became aware of this while in high school. One of my friends told me that wearing big hoodies (that was really my thing back then, along with big t-shirts) makes me look larger than what I'm trying to hide. Kind of defeats the purpose of hiding under big clothes, right? So I try to step out of my comfort upon coming to college by wearing trendier things, yet I made a new comfort zone of wearing Plain Jane items, which is really no better than big hoodies. Hopefully I shall make progress this time around by trying on fashion trends at least once that I normally would pass by and by keeping positive moods in the morning (bad moods have the influence to put me into Plain Jane mode).

Time~ I have a bad grasp on time. For instance, every summer I start off thinking I have alllllll the time in the world to do allllll the things I planned to do that summer. So I start by doing nothing. That doing nothing continues for the majority of the summer, until I realize I have a month before I go back and nothing completed that I intended to. Having just a short month left in time freaks me out, and I start fretting and developing little panic attacks about wasting my summer and still doing nothing I planned to do. Like now! Again!

Goals~ The saying, "Out of sight, out of mind" is 1,000% true when it comes to my goals, whether super-short, short, or long term. I already have a slowly rotting mind where I can go from one room to the other and completely forget what I needed and why, not remembering until as late as a day later. Recently, I wrote my goals for the week and posted it in my room. I'm proud to say that I've completed three out of the six goals I set plus one I didn't even write down! I guess I'm the type of person that needs to see my goals to get them done. Who knew.

Motivation~ I have this thing were I know I want to something, I even go as far as envisioning myself past the finish line, but yet I take no steps to get myself there. I'm fully aware that I can't have a perfect future without taking action in the present, and yet I still can't push myself to do what I need to do. It's nuts! However, I think tying things in with my everyday goals will force me to do what I need to do because I obviously can't rely on instinct to drive me there.

Health~ My crippling zone is full force in this area. Eating, exercising, listening to my body, all of that is just too crippling for comfort. First, I had a bad habit of being so lazy I won't eat if it means I have to cook it. This is why it's 3PM and all I've eaten is a granola bar, a fruit snacks bag, and a cup of tea. It's because my the time I notice I'm hungry, I'm super hungry, and it's so distracting to cook when you're really hungry. Second, my water consumption is so bad. I like flavors, and it's always been hard for me to drink water that tastes like nothing. Third, and this ties in with my motivation issues, I just can't get myself to exercise regularly! I know it's not that difficult to pencil in 30 minutes a day, and the burning always feels good, and I've collected various workout routines from magazines. I have everything I need, so why can't I do it?!

Realizing how many comfort zone issues I actually have, I think now's a great time to stop typing and start doing!!

Feelin' Foul on a Sunday

2010-07-11T18:37:00.001-05:00

I'm SO angry right now, my mind is filled with such violent scenarios. Why? Because a man disrespected me in front of my mom. On top of that, her only response was, "That's not nice." >:-|
To go into further detail, we were coming out of Staples walking to the car. I'm feeling all good in my well-put together outfit, so confident. I was wearing one of my new skirts. Some man was trying to make conversation asking "Is that your daughter?" obviously to my mother. He looked filthy by his filthy car and I knew he was no good and that nothing good would come out of talking to him. As naive as my mother is, she decides to respond. Then he comments "If that skirt would just blow up a little more..." WTF? She says, "That's not nice." Really? That's all you can say to this gross man who's clearly disrespecting your daughter in front of your face and saying it straight to you?! Maybe I need a bit of an anger management, but if someone said that to my daughter I would have cursed him out, got in his face, and most likely would have did some things that would have landed my jail for a day or two.
There are no words to describe how angry I am. I'm angry at everyone. I've never been disrespected in such manner by someone before, and it's so sickening that someone can just objectify a young person like that! He's a gross and ignorant person and a sorry excuse for a man if he feels the need to talk to someone like that around their mother. No home training, no respect for women, just flat out gross. I got plenty more choice words for what he is, but I don't want to get too foul-mouthed on my blog. I'm angry at my mom for allowing him to get away with his comment. She didn't even stick up for me in the slightest. She should never have entertained such ignorance to begin with, but she let it go too far by letting him get away with that. To me, that sends a signal that she'll allow anyone to say whatever negative things about me in my presence like I don't matter to her or something. "That's not nice?" That's more than just "not nice." That's ignorant and rude! Yet she called him this, that, and the third while in the car driving away. She never says anything to anyone's faces and just lets people get away with murder right in front of her. Give me a break, put your foot down or something! And me, I should have went over there and cursed him out myself. Now I'm letting this anger harvest within me instead of taking it out on him. I know I'm not supposed to, but ignorant people need to be put in their place sometimes! I obviously must get my lack of reaction from my mother.
That so ruined my whole day, my whole mood, and my whole vibe from seeing my family during this week!

My Shelter Experience So Far

2010-07-01T21:24:00.000-05:00

I've only been at the animal shelter for two days, and it has had such an impact on me. It's so sad seeing all those dogs, perfectly well-mannered and house-trained dogs at that, without a home. I'm not fond of larger dogs, but just walking through looking at their body language you can tell they weren't violent or anything. Through the cages, they wanted to play with you. Stick your finger in, and they would lick it like it was a treat. And I'm a sucker for when a dog whines. Seeing a large dog like a German Shepherd beg for something and give you those eyes... ugh, it's heart-wrenching. On Tuesday, I gave him an extra bowl of food. Today, I gave him a treat. Also, there's a Miniature Pincher named Gizmo who I can tell is not comfortable in the shelter. He seems so sad. He whines a lot, and he doesn't approach you when you stick your fingers through the cage. And I always try to comfort him (while dodging the swatting cat next door) but it doesn't look like it helps.
The cats are something else, too. The cats that I've encountered before volunteering at the shelter are usually pretty independent and nonchalant about receiving attention. It was as if petting was on their time, and once they've had enough of you they would just walk away. The cats at the shelter were totally different. They rub against the cage bars like they're giving you the signal to pet them. Sometimes, they even reach out their paws to you in order to get your attention. It's amazing. I've taken a liking to a particular cat named Lizzy. She's so sweet and she loves getting attention. And I wish I could take her home with me. However, my mom is just not having it. She's still a bit upset over losing our rabbit (we actually had to put her down two years ago yesterday) and she would rather me be out of school to take care of the pet. Every time I finish petting Lizzy I think to myself, "I hope you're here in two years."
It's also amazing to see the reasons why they've ended up in the animal shelter. The most common one I see is that the owner has given them up willingly, whether it be because they're moving or they have too many other pets. I can't fathom willingly sacrificing my pet due to moving. Maybe that's because I'm already searching for pet-friendly apartments to live in after school to accommodate a pet I don't have yet. And it's crazy to see the pets that were the "one-too-many" because they're really amiable. I wonder did the owners love the other pets more, or did they just do "eenie-meenie-mighty-mo." My first thought is that they shouldn't haven taken on that many animals if they couldn't handle them in the first place. As much as I want to adopt the whole shelter right now, I know I wouldn't be able to give them the individual care that they deserve (that and the fact that I don't have enough money to pay for them all). It's logic and common sense.
On the plus side, I've seen new dogs in the shelter since Tuesday, and cages that have held three or more kittens become less crowded. It's always great to see dogs becoming adopted, but there are always new dogs and cats out there that need the shelter as a temporary home.

Why I'm Going Natural

2010-07-01T02:13:00.000-05:00

Because I don't my edges to wind up looking like THIS!!!! =O

No, but all jokes aside, her hair is messed up. This goes to show that a wig is not a cure-all. Bless her heart, or better yet, bless her edges. Then again, it ain't nothing a little Photoshop can't fix in a picture. *Kanye shrug*

MediaTakeOut Got Me Flabbergasted

2010-06-28T19:41:00.000-05:00

Looking for juicy gossip, I saw this titled post:

Chris Brown's Career Is OFFICIALLY OVER NOW . . . Dude Had A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN Last Night While Doing A Michael Jackson TRIBUTE!!! (Video + Pics)

The dictionary doesn't have a word to describe my feelings. #thatisall

True Life: I watched True Blood over Chris Brown (BET Awards Coverage Prt. 2)

2010-06-27T22:47:00.000-05:00

Friends texted, friends called, and Facebook told all; and I missed it. Anyway, back to our regularly scheduled program...

-I'm so mad I know this guy's songs but I've never him in the flesh. And it's pretty creepy. I don't know his name either *ooooooooo and I like it*
-Todd Bridges fail. "Gary was like a big -little brother to me."
-Big ups to Tyrese doing the Teddy Pendergrass tribute!! Perfect voice match!
FB Stat: They said that Chris Brown never lost his fans.they jus rolled up the window when they played his CD
Funny Tweet: y is it that we all take a break n grab snacks during the gospel section of the bet awards lol
-I don't like that BET lady. She seems sketchy to me
Funny Tweet: If I were Debra I would never come on stage at the awards. Who wants to be known for being responsible for what goes on at BET?
-Big Boi's random plug = fail. All I heard was July 6th *mumble, mumble* P.S. It sounded like he said "J. Coon" and not "J. Cole"
Funny Tweet: This was the last sequence for the BET Awards: Panty Dropping, Jesus and Humanity. Then Prince will sex everyone up. Awkward...
-I love that girl's FRO!!
-Uh, oh. Trey Day time. I wonder how many "that's my baby" and "he so sexy" tweets are gonna pop up on Twitter?
Funny Tweet: BET awards = Fashion Faux Pas Awards. the fashion police could do a raid in that building.
-Mommy Quote: "Who is that? Trey Songz? He don't sound all that good to me. He just doing great 'cause Chris got in trouble." OOhhhh, my momma is going to have a lot of enemies with her comments! lmao
-Did Trey just have an orgasm while starting the Prince song? Ew.
-Beiber fan fail: I'm seeing tweets wondering when Justin Beiber is going to perform on the BET Awards.
-"Video Phone" as Video of the Year: Neither one of them showed up; tragic. Gaga would've turned this awards show OUT.
-My mom is dying at the "light-skinned wavy-haired brothers" joke. Smh.
-Beiber tweeting about BET Awards?
Beiber Tweet: Why did we not plan for the BET Awards?? Well b honest people, not many of u thought the white boy from Canada was gonna b nominated. but...
Beiber Tweet: just goes to show that Music is COLOR BLIND!! It is the Universal Language and good music brings us all together...the way it should be
-Sorry Beiber, but being a white musician nominated on the BET Awards shows is nothing new nor nothing special. *kanye shrug*
-WHOA somebody was jamming TOO hard to Janelle Monae's song... too much.
-Prince is showing NO emotion to these performances. Stone cold face on these young artists!
-Well that was an..... interesting ending...
-What is UP with the cracking voices?! Did these artists not know they were performing? Did they forget to moisten their throats with some water before performing? C'mon now, I know this is the BET Awards, but dang!
-Alicia again? Hmmm... okay, are we lacking performers or something? Honey child is pregnant, give her a rest!
-Prince showed emotion during Alicia Keys performance.
-Alicia, you are PREGNANT! And Prince look like he's ready to talk about you. Get down off that piano and put your shoes back on!
-Prince is so conceited. He got himself on his shirt.
Funny Tweet: the BET awards after party is at the basketball court for the shirts vs blouses game

-"Please be seated. This is just... too much." I died laughing.
-Justin Beiber was a fat kid lol.
-Ray J, you are too much.
-AOL Fandemonium goes to the fans of CHRIS BROWN! Me on Mom: "YES!!!!!" *fist pump action*
Funny Tweet: k, I am really really really close to turning off the BET Awards. Pregnant women rolling around is another #BETFail
-OMG staged kiss. That was painful to watch. Rosci almost took his face off with that nose.
-Ew, the viewers have a bad taste in choices!!! "Hard"??? REALLY? Fail.
-They didn't think out the violin dancers too well. But at least I got a laugh out the chicks trying to look cute while ducking and dodging out the way.
-Someone did a great favor and jacked up Nicki's mic. I'm all smiles.
Funny Tweet:This was the 1st decent BET Awards since @BowWow crip walked on stage...
-Aw snap they bringing out all the fools for this ending: DJ Khaled, T-Pain, Rick Ross.
-I'm sorry Busta, but only Twista can rhyme fast. You sounded like a bunch of hullabaloo.
Funny Tweet:Alicia's water better not break. She climbed on top of that piano like she was Tarzan.
-Quick change of wigs and tight one piece. Lol @ her trying to be heard over the bad mic!
-Big Tigger say QUEEN one more time..... >:-|
-I love my alum, but Taraji is toooooo much.
FB Stat: Congrats BET to your first ::NonRachet:: award show,,::thanksthelord::
FB Stat: this is probly the second best BET Awards show...nicki we could have done w/o you but hey..no show is perfect lol...#NP Boondocks :)

And that's all folks!

BET Awards Coverage (Part I)

2010-06-27T20:42:00.000-05:00

Last year I watched the BET Awards with my updated Facebook in tow because the responses at outfits, outrageous moments, and performances were hilarious. So I'm doing the same this year, only going to freeload off Twitter's TT (Trending Topics) just for fun. I'm going to post some of the best comments I come across, because we all know the whole world is weighing in on this "monumental" awards ceremony.
-Jada Pinkett-Smith: She naked! And glowing like she covered in Crisco!! Oh my... that is NOT a good look.
-Alicia Keys as Best Female R&B Artist: Oh, that was a shocker. I guess Beyonce's reign is coming to a close. *sigh of relief* And Alicia Keys better work that baby weight and that baby bump!! Is it me or is she looking sunburned? Weird color lol.
-Queen Latifah busted out her Chicago fit. Omg, fitted so appropriately for the Usher performance following lol.
Funny Tweet: MJ is coming back to do his own tribute on the BET Awards. #theonlyspecialsurpriseiwontwannamiss
-Whoa, Usher missed the note? And held it? My ears bled for a little while; I thought I'd never hear the day. MJ pose ending?
-Nicki Minaj as Best Female Hip-hop Artist: Gee, who didn't see that foolishness coming? And who's the dude she's practically dragging up on stage? Cute dress though, but it's a little to wedding-like for such a place like the BET Awards. If you REALLY wanted to dress up, you could've put on jeans and heels. Why she get all mad at the end?
Funny Tweet: I still dont understand why Nicki decided to come to the BET Awards dressed as Wilma Flinstone
Funny Tweet: So people without albums get awards now? That's how BET rolls?
FB Stat: I'm doin this for women??????????? what SMDH #killyoself

-Peeped will.i.am on a quick shot; if I was him, I wouldn't have succumbed myself to BET foolishness so closely.
-OMG these baby pictures are killing me!! How did these celebrities authorize the realease of those?!
Drake as Best Male Hip-Hop Artist: Again, who's surprised? But I don't understand everybody bringing their lineage up on stage like they ALL won. No, sorry, only Drake won that one. Oh, Tyga in the back!
-Oh, another MJ tribute. Didn't they butcher his legacy enough last year with their "tribute"?
Funny Tweet: The @BET awards, sponsored by Young Money, McDonald's and Sesame Street
-I was about to crack on this random 13-year-old, but she just shut my mouth with her locals.
-I looooooooove Alicia Key's performance dress, still weirded out by her sunburn color though. OOOOhhhh snap at the gospel remix! I must go cop that lol. Lol @ ppl literally putting their hands in the air when she says "Put your hands in the air!" Like, wave them or something.
Funny Tweet: What channel is the BET awards??
-Three snaps to Keri Hilson and her queen walk that only HU students would pick up on. ;-)
-Heyyyy... Keyshia Cole wasn't originally on that song.... Oh well, she better get her some screen time. Lol @ Melanie Foina so geeked when Eminem showed up.

BET Coverage got cut short because True Blood comes on. Sorry, this fan has priorities, no matter how many laughs I'm missing out on! :)

Slowday Saturday

2010-06-26T14:34:00.000-05:00

I hate when I have nothing to do on a Saturday when I want to have something to do. It's such a nice day out, too. But I think it's supposed to rain today anyway. I wanted to go to the zoo because spending the day downtown yesterday was refreshing (for using my camera, not for my feet and calf muscles), but my mom wasn't feeling going so far north. My ankle hurts a little anyway. She promised to head to this conservatory after church tomorrow, so I guess that's more plant shots for the camera. Right now I'm watching "Simon Says," a horror movie from Comcast's FearNet selection. Maybe I'll do something else other than stay on the computer today, get some reading in. Besides, I have to wash my hair anyway. I don't want to, because I was trying to hold out to see if a friend would respond to my text to hang out today. Guess I'll write that off as a lost cause (again, as usual *sigh*).

A Wonderful Day of People

2010-06-19T20:53:00.000-05:00

Yes, this post is sarcastically titled. I just went through the day and had SO many annoying encounters with people that I had to blog twice and list them. I went 6 places today: Verizon Wireless, Target, Kohl's, Wal-Mart, Border's, and Cold Stone's. And these are the wonderful thoughts that ran through my mind about the audacity of some people:

Courtesy and politeness are obviously common sense virtues that many teenagers don't have. Verizon was holding this sale for new customers to switch and get a chance to win some prizes via this bean bag toss. This rude girl, I assumed she was less than 18, took it upon herself to play the game to win a pop and a bag of chips. The only salesperson in the front of the store was helping me out with my phone, and she's loudly talking to him about how many bean bags she got in and where her prize was. Then after he wasn't giving her the prize, she says, "Let me stop before I get mad." Over some pop and a bag of chips? Really? Not only are you rudely interrupting this man while he's trying to work with a customer that's NOT you, you're really trying to get your way by being rude and trifling? That must be a younger people thing.
Discretion is key, especially in public. The same rude girl is trying to state her claim as to why she needs a new phone. In her reasoning he states, "Jeanine got a phone and she's not even in school. At least I'm in school doing something." Awkward moment number one. The man she and her mother were with must have said something at one point after that, because the next thing she said, and rather loudly, was "You ain't my daddy." Awkward moment number two. Nobody needs to know all your business, especially when you're around strangers. I know I'm a private person in general, but isn't that just too much information??
Some parents just don't think things through. The rude girl's mom is one of them. It took her forever to tell that girl, "Can't you see he's working with someone right now?" I was in there working with the guy before they came in; it wasn't a new occurrence. I'm going to need you to control your banshee ass teenager and teach her some lessons she's going to need when she grows up. When I left, a woman who parked next to us got out heading to Verizon. As my mom was pulling out, a young boy got out the car super fast, waving to another younger child to come here. The car was not left on. So... she was just going to leave her kids in that car while she "ran in right quick"? Mind you, it's hot as Hades outside. So nobody cares anymore about children dying in cars from the heat? Oh ok, guess it's just me that thinks of these things.
You see me heading to the door, so you're just going to stand right in front of it like it's yours? You lucky there's another set of double doors. Man, that stumpy old lady was so rude for that.
Door greeter is the best job in the world. Especially if your best friend is one. Then you two can have conversations across the doorways instead of doing your job to greet the customers. Man, and people get paid to not do their job? How fortunate.
You and your friend coming one way on the sidewalk, I'm coming the other. Just me, though. By all means, take up the whole sidewalk and nearly let me bump a trash can. How inconsiderate of me to think that you could make room just a little on such a large sidewalk.

Since when does Beautiful = Healthy?? HOGWASH!!

2010-06-19T14:15:00.000-05:00

So, I'm perusing around a blog, and they have a post about interesting links of the week. I click on one from the College Candy website about a Curvy Girl Backlash. And I'm SO disgusted with this debate and the comments on that site. I made a post on there, but if you don't care to click on the link, I'll repost what I said:

All I want to say is that beautiful DOES NOT have to equal healthy nor does it have to equal something to aspire to or envy. Gabourey is beautiful. She carries herself with confidence, she is secure with how she looks, and she doesn’t let negativity get in the way of her success. Just because someone is labeled beautiful doesn’t mean I have to want to LOOK like them. If I was back in my overweight years as a child and saw Gabourey being called beautiful, I would think that I can be beautiful too, inside and out, and not have to starve myself to be super skinny. And that’s the beauty of it. Confidence at every size, skinny, average, curvy, or more-to-love, is beautiful. Basing things on health is stupid, in my opinion. Healthy is such a relative term, it’s unreliable, and it only feeds this desire to be “skinny”! It’s also keeping those who are not skinny down with low self-esteem, and that’s unfair. Period. I’m not about to sit up here and be ashamed that I eat fast food and hate salads; what I am going to do is be happy, confident, and BEAUTIFUL.
I also don’t understand this whole “celebrating obesity” debate. Has anyone stated, “We should celebrate obesity!” or are people just upset that beautiful can come in more than one package?

Yes, it was a lot, but I was just too through after reading some of the comments! I'm so sick of tired of people trying to use a silly excuse as health to not appreciate the accomplishments of those who aren't skinny or Coke-bottle shaped. They are looking at size and just assuming that more-to-love people (I don't really like the word "fat," obviously because of the negative connotations of it) are scarfing down 1,000 cheeseburgers a day or something. And what's it to you if they are? What does that have to do with their beauty? Using health as an excuse is the new nice way of saying, "She needs to be skinny." I can see right through that; I know subliminal messages when I see one. Now, I don't know any of the people who commented on that site, but I'm going to make an assumption that they're all fairly slender and weight obsessed. Just a hunch.
It was one girl whose comment said that calling someone beautiful is equivalent to aspiring to look like them. That's so untrue. Beauty is way more than skin deep, at least it needs to be. Maybe it's because I'm immune to the thought process that "fat people are gross," but confidence is where beauty comes from. You can't deny that Queen Latifah, M'onqiue, and Gabourey Sidibe aren't secure with themselves and have the confidence to do so. And that's what makes them beautiful.
I am personally through with trying to look to celebrities to see how I should look. I don't have the resources to nutritionists, celebrity chefs, and personal trainers like they do, so what's the point of trying to look like them? Whatever I do, I'm probably not going to get where they are and stay there with my limited resources and college lifestyle. I'm going to eat what I want, do what I want, and be overwhelmingly happy with it!

Accepted!!

2010-06-16T21:31:00.000-05:00

So I read about this Monster Diversity Leadership Program for college students on a blog of a fellow Bison. I first I didn't really pay it any mind because I was absolutely positive there would be no point for a person of my field to do something like this. Truth be told, those who are trying to get into the fashion industry are usually everywhere but where I'm at. I miss all the networking opportunities. Looking further into the program, the events scheduled for the weekend seemed beneficial enough, and not to mention that the only money I'd have to spend would be on transportation to the university. I talked to my mom about it and she was totally on board for it, so I just said, "Hey, what do I have to lose? A weekend where I probably would have been doing nothing anyway?" So I applied. They got back to me two days later and said that I was put on the waiting list. Oh, okay, whatever. I didn't think much of it after that because it said that there were only 200 spots per location, and I assumed because I applied so late that they were all probably full. Well, well, well! Lo and behold I checked my e-mail a few minutes ago and they sent me an e-mail with the subject titled, "Welcome to the Diversity Leadership Programs." Oh, snap! Looks like I have a very important weekend in August!
The Diversity Leadership Programs offers various weekends along with various locations to choose from. I got accepted to the program in New York. Of course I would pick New York over my own hometown; I'm most likely going to have to relocate here so why not get the feel of it ahead of time? If you're intrigued and want more information, please visit the DLP website. They accept applications on a rolling basis, so it's never too late. Unless the program is over. Then you're too late.

Amongst other brief news, my internship is going well. It really helps to work in an environment with such amiable people. We're having our big event that I jumped in working on tomorrow, and I'm sure it'll go off without a hitch! Also, I'm finally about to live my dream of volunteering at an animal shelter (since my mom won't let me have my own now)! I turned the application in two weeks ago, but he finally got back to me yesterday about attending the volunteer orientation tomorrow. Due to traffic, I was forty-five minutes late for orientation. I thought the world was going to end because I wasn't sure if the guy was going to be hard on me or if I'd ever be able to volunteer there. I had to wait thirty minutes for him to finish the orientation I was supposed to be at. I consider it punishment, but luckily he was able to reschedule me for next Thursday (although if it wasn't for my internship's event, I'd be at orientation THIS Thursday, but who's complaining?). I'm really excited because pets are a big deal to me and I feel like I'm so much more happier when I'm in the company of animals. Also, I want to start become more involved with dogs to get over my angst of being bitten when they play with you (I'm usually the one to spoil a dog with a belly rub, not tug-o-war).

Miss Independent? Try Miss Broke-and-Enlightened (Hair Blog)

2010-06-15T00:12:00.000-05:00

Today has been a hair-thought-provoking day (hope I hyphenated that right lol). My friend and I were talking back and forth pretty much about hair salons and how easy it is to do what we're always looking out to pay "natural hair stylists" to do. Thinking back on it, my college years have been a good testimony to that. Freshman year, I flat-ironed my own hair, and, dare I say it, it came out better than it usually does at the salon. Granted, the style might not last long, but it was light and fluffy yet still straight like I like it. I only went to a hair stylist to get a perm, and that was only when I went home for breaks at that. This year, I only came out of pocket for a stylist once, and that was for a trim that was greatly needed and appreciated. Amazingly enough, it was a stylist in the vicinity of my school's state (not really the school itself lol) and I'm absolutely positive I'll be going back as a regular (when needed). In reality, my coming years will most likely be like the one I just had this year. Salons that claim to specialize in natural hair care often charge high rates for simple styles that can be done at home. So why pay for them when I can practice and learn to do them myself? Duuuuuuh. Now, I understand that natural hair requires more love and tender care and... hard ass work on the part of the stylists, but some of the services offered are not only ridiculous for the price but not even worth that much to begin with. For instance, I came across a salon that offered a style listed on the Miss Jessie's website - for $150 and up. Whaaaat?! The style isn't even that hard to do! And the instructions are on Miss Jessie's website; it isn't some exclusive service. Can you say "rip off"??
This led me to the idea that I need to start sharpening my skills so I can do those same services to my own hair for free. And without catering to someone else's schedule, which is pretty important for a college student with hardly any free time to travel to and from a salon. I've already been getting good at doing flat twists; I did them over my whole head once and they came out pretty well. My next feat with those is doing them only in the front to wear for longer than overnight. I was also looking into a braiding class that a local university is holding as a continuing education class. That'll be a big benefit for not only me but for my pockets; I could charge students a decent price to do them. However, the braiding class costs $99 for 6 weeks, one class a week. You get the opportunity to learn a lot in the classes, but my mom's on the fence about spending money for so little time. Also, my friend is considering doing her own braids by the instruction of people on Youtube, which is another alternative to paying for classes. I can get the good ol' practice from looking and learning. My worry is that I won't be able to do them on myself and that I won't even have another head to practice on.
Besides paying for services, the next dilemma is paying for products. Every product wants to promise this hair growth wonder or that cleaning power, not to mention the overwhelming influence to buy "natural" products. Just as natural hair services cost, natural products do as well. Some of them fool you with promising all natural ingredients yet list things you can barely pronounce on their ingredient. I often come across many women on Youtube and blogs that have so many products that they've bought, used, and won't reuse in the search to find the ultimate product for their hair. There are so many brands to chose from, so many ways to go, and so many steps to take in protecting your hair that you just aren't sure what you need and don't need. On top of that, I'm a sucker for success stories so I want to try ALL of the popular brands. Luckily, I have my hair in a sew-in as a protective styling so I don't really need many new products. Other than now, I've been pretty good for a while. I'm trying to at least try all the things I've bought so far and at least organize what products are good for what. I think it's more difficult because I'm trying to accommodate and buy products for two different textures that may react to products two different ways while trying to tame other hair mishaps I'm having (itchy scalp, thinning edges). In the future, to control my product junkie habit, I'm going to make a list of things I need to do to my hair and what products to use accordingly. If I don't have a product for the style, or if it runs out, that would be the only time to replace it or buy a new product. Hopefully being aware of how many actual products I have will help curb overspending on products I don't really need.
Well I think that's all for my gigantic hair rant..

Fishing for Friendship

2010-06-12T16:06:00.000-05:00

Is it just me, or do you have to always call up your friends to hang out with them, too?

If you like cotton candy and rainbow-like blog posts, this isn't it. Today is my Debbie Downer Day, and it's got me thinking. I recently talked to my mom about how bummed I still was that a friend not only stood me up on a planned day but pretty much ditched me for her boyfriend. She made a suggestion to ask my other friends what they were up to, and my response was that I always had to do that, call them up and see what they were doing, like fishing for friendship. And upon letting my words sink in, it's pretty much true.
Think of this literally: a fisherman is all alone and wants the company of a fish or more than one fish (forget the actual reason he wants fish), but he has to bait them out. The fish are all happy and dandy in their pond, hanging with the other fish, and loving every minute of it. Now, think of it figuratively: I'm always the one who has to stalk my friends, and take them out of their element, in order to get some quality time with them. Unfortunately, the fish never fish for the fisherman.
Maybe I'm overreacting or some odd biz, but I guarantee it's always like that. At home, I have to text a friend to see what she's doing and maybe get something together so we could hang out. On campus, I'm always dropping by my friend's dorm in order to hang with them. Maybe it's out of convenience that they don't text me, because they know I will. Or maybe I'm just not very wanted all the time. My mind usually suspects the latter. And I guess I should clear it up that there are a select few of my friends who do actually think about me and text, call, drop by, etc., but that never outweighs me texting them, and it's usually by a lot that it doesn't.
Another whamo in the combo is when I have those friends that are just out having oodles and oodles of fun, and they never, ever text me to invite me places. And then when I invite them places, I always have to cater to them (i.e. pick them up, drop them off, etc.). Am I really that bad of company that you never want to invite me places? So I sulk because I'm not wanted. Again.
Why do I always have to be the one to initiate friend time with people? That makes me re-evaluate the important of people in my life in comparison to how important I am in theirs. Do people even realize not only that we don't spend a lot of time together, but that they never text to invite me places? That makes me re-evaluate how much I'm looking into things like this. I mean, I have no job. My internship is only two days a week. I'm not volunteering anywhere. I have no summer plans. I'm free! Always have been, always will be. I just want someone to text and ask, "Want to go to X with me and A, B, and C?" Is that really too difficult to get out of a small group of people?

I go through this at least once a year...

2010-06-04T00:35:00.000-05:00

What if...
That is the bane of my existence. What's even worse than "what if"?

What if I made the wrong decision?

Every year, I think this. Not about minute things, like what if I made the wrong decision in asking for a strawberry milkshake instead of a chocolate one. What if I made the wrong decision concerning my college education? You know, that thing that pretty much prepares you for the rest of your life? I wasn't really thinking too deep about college during my last two years of high school, mainly because I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with my life. I sort of let those PLAN interest inventories direct my thoughts. I mean, it wasn't like they were wrong because many of the career ideas they suggested I still want to do to this day. It was just that it was... uncommon. Visual arts aren't really taken seriously as a career, and it was clear to see in the number of university choices I had when looking into a fashion design program. Looking for a fashion merchandising program in an university didn't open up too many additional doors, but just one, which is the university I'm currently at. Before I came to the conclusion that this is where I want to be, I was leaning towards Philadelphia University. Their fashion program in general was phenomenal. They had the equipment, the money, and the alumni to boot. I was impressed. However, their extra-curricular programs were off-putting. I especially didn't like the fact that their homecoming game was for soccer. I wanted to go somewhere that I could learn a lot and still enjoy my college years at the same time. I didn't feel that I would have access to the "college experience." That and the fact that I only got a tiny scholarship offer.
I thought the sun was shining on my when I got offered a full ride plus a nice book stipend with a nice amount. However, the reality was far from sunny. Here, the equipment isn't up to par, there aren't too many classes, there aren't even enough teachers, and the program isn't in the School of Business. Around the end of my freshman year, I wanted to transfer out to Fashion Institute of Technology, where I knew the fashion program would have the focus it deserved and given the proper equipment. However, FIT has a joint program with my school to take classes there for your junior year and earn an associate's degree from them. Again, the clouds parted to reveal the sunshine. And you can only guess what happened then. My scholarship, which would've covered everything over at FIT, wouldn't transfer. If I was to go through with the program anyway, not only would I lose the scholarship junior year, I won't have it when I came back for my senior year. So I brushed that off my shoulder from fall semester and have been okay...
Until I came across this post on a hair care blog site spotlighting a girl, ironically with my name, who will be a junior at Philadelphia University. Wow! I thought, "Man, I would've been her classmate." Which got me thinking about where I'm at and where I should be in terms of learning the proper things for my future. And the initial point of this blog (sorry for the long background story). Truth be told, I'm really not the perfect candidate personality-wise to be in the industry I'm studying to be in. Then on top of that, I'm not really getting the best practice I can in order to be what I want to be. And I'm pretty much stuck now. Times like these makes me reflect on what would life had been like if I had went anywhere else but where I am now. I instantly regret it because I've met so many great people, made many timeless friendships, and learned plenty of lessons. But in the end was it really worth it? That's the million dollar question that's burning a whole in my head because I want to answer it so bad.

Quick "Sex and the City 2" Review

2010-05-31T21:04:00.000-05:00

Before going to see Sex and the City 2, I've heard many mixed reviews. Most of them were not too good. Roger Ebert gave the move one star. =O I trust his judgment (sometimes), but I just assumed it was because he was an old man. I just came from it this Memorial Day, and I think I enjoyed myself. I would have to say that I'm not really a die-hard SATC fan because I've never watched the show. I think the main reason why people didn't enjoy this movie as much as the first is because the first movie's plot was connected to the series. The second movie was what I like to call a "cash cow" movie: the director, producer, and whoever else is profiting from the movie success is greedy and wants more money. It was just something to enjoy the antics of the four friends, the silly things they get into, and the fashion, of course. It was pretty funny to me. And I enjoyed the old ladies showing out with their cosmos to relive their younger years.

From Young Girl to Grown Woman

2010-05-28T23:25:00.000-05:00

Teenagers are the most scrutinized age group because of their "improper" ways, from their style of dress to their attitude and sexual manners. This is all according to those belonging to the generation before them. It's been like that for all eternity; parents and grandparents are always shaking their heads at their child's immature and rebellious ways. It's always those who are our elders. But when do you mentally go from being the teenager to the parent? What makes the mind snap from dressing in mid-drifts and baggy pants to business suits and sophisticated clothing, and it is even immediate? What is the gray area between the two called?
I've pondered this many times, and it's no surprise that the thought came up again while watching "Madea's Family Reunion." Pretty random, I know, but the scene where the elder women were walking around the reunion looking at men gambling and women gyrating makes you think. Now, I know all parents weren't saints when it came to parties and being obedient. Do they just write off their past or something? I don't understand how to condemn something I've done shamelessly before, specifically actions that didn't result in losing self-respect or psychological distress. I get the "Yes, I've done it before, and I've learned the hard way that that isn't right" instances. But what about things like dancing at parties? It's not supposed to cause any harm; it's all in fun. I guess that's me speaking from the teenager's perspective.
It just seems like there's no transitioning phase. Either you're a little kid, or an adult. You either dance, or you scold. Young or old. But what about those belonging in neither? Too old to be a kid, but too young to be an independent adult? Like Britney Spears' song said: "I'm not a girl, not a yet a woman." Many consider 18 to be "grown" or "legal", but it's not until your late twenties when you diverge from childish ways and "get a grasp on real life," so to speak. So from 18 until then, am I just a person? I don't see myself as a woman yet because the only life experience I have is from my teenage years where everything is all gravy and reckless fun is the thing to do. And I'm way past too old for kid's discounts. Yet I don't think fully like either. Sometimes I think I never will, just because I'm such an understandable person. I guess this is such an issue because society likes to label things, and if there's no label for something, it's an enigma. This whole journey is an enigma within itself anyway!

The Big Two-Oh

2010-05-22T23:58:00.000-05:00

I'm twenty now. It leaves a strange taste in my mouth whenever I tell people that. Then again, that happens every year I get older, and even every new year. You know how you're used to writing 2009 on your papers and now suddenly you have to get used to the look of 2010? It's like that, but only weirder. I have a fear of non-teens. For the longest, turning twenty meant ill-fitting business suits, poor fashion sense, and frumpiness. Or at least the beginning of it. The older you get, the closer you get to that, though. That's a fashion major's biggest fear. Also, don't you hate those non-monumental years? Those years where nothing important happens by law? For instance, now. You're one year away from the legal drinking age, but every other age requirement you already have, so it's just another dull year of waiting to be 21. Turning 17 was worse for me, since 16 is so "sweet" and you're not legal until you're 18. You're just stuck in the middle. :-/ It's like, "WOW YOU'RE 20!!! Let's do... the same thing we did when you were 19... because you're kind of not old enough to do anything else......." It was a pretty dry birthday to me. For one, it's one of the rare (possibly only) times I get to see my friends from home. However, Red Lobster's fantabulous seven-guests-per-table limit was a turn off. That and the fact that that was pretty much a last resort. On the plus side, my outfit was ca-yute! It'll probably be the last birthday celebration I have, though. Next year, I'll just go to the liquor store, buy a margarita mix, and drink away. Haha, juuuust kidding.

All the Single... Seven-Year-Olds?

2010-05-16T23:17:00.000-05:00

There's been so much hoopla over the routine 5 young girls did to Single Ladies. Some say the outfits are too suggestive and sexual. Others say it's in their back-popping. In all honestly, I'm not going to be a hypocrite and say I'm disgusted or ashamed by it, mainly because of my experiences. I had a costume when I was three years old that was a two piece for my tap recital. Nobody called ABC 7 to put my dance company on blast. There are child "beauty" pageants being held in America where parents force their kids to look physically mature by any means necessary, including fake teeth, fake nails, and make-up, and all those pageants get are TV shows. Two-piece swimsuits are bought and sold for young girls every summer, and nobody has banned those for being obscene. As for the choreography, the only thing I believe people have a problem with is the girls popping their backs. Though the routine is short, there's more to it than that. Did you see those pirouettes, or those girls with their legs to their earlobes? Holy smokes! Most of the girls I know MY age can't even do that! And not to mention the coordination of their lines. THAT was amazing. I wonder if a few adjustments to the choreography would make the difference between a big ordeal or just another routine. Putting it into perspective, it's really not that big of a deal...

On another note, I won an item off eBay!! Sorry, that was really irrelevant but really exciting!! The last time I bid on an item, someone outbid me in the last 3 seconds by $1, so I'm pretty proud of my accomplishment, thank you very much!

M.I.A.

2010-05-13T14:51:00.000-05:00

I've been meaning to blog lately. However, I've had a setback with my laptop. Ok, the whole story must be told so you can get how trifling my computer is. In November, I had to take my computer to Best Buy because the computer started smoking. Yes, SMOKING! Turns out it was the motherboard. They replaced it and all was well. Last Wednesday I shut down my computer to take it on the plane back home with me. Once I got home and tried to turn it back on, the operating system (Windows XP) wouldn't even load. What?? It took so long that the battery ran out, and when I tried to start up the computer again, it had some crazy outdated notification sign pop up. After it did it's thing (whatever that was), it shut down and I had to try to turn the computer back on again. Same thing happened: the operating system took eternity to load. After doing this about 5 times that night, I said "Forget this!", left it loading, and went to bed. The next morning, everything went pretty well... except once it got to my home screen, one of the programs popped up with a warning saying, "This program only works with a Toshiba system." My computer is a Toshiba. :-| So we took it to Best Buy's Geek Squad to see what they could come up with. We pretty much spent the whole day there (from 2pm to about 7pm) waiting for one of the members to do this... whatever he did to it (Forgive me for my bad memory!). But yea, turns out the hard drive was corrupted somehow and they have to replace it. I freaked; I'd lose all my pictures and recent documents!! They offered to do a back-up for the computer, but that cost $100. I already paid for a back-up when the thing jacked up in November. That external hard drive is in storage now. #fail Oh yea, and with the new hard drive, nothing's on there. Not even Windows XP. He told us that we had to order the recovery disk that puts all the original programs and systems back on the laptop from Toshiba. Great. That costs $24.95. Not bad, but they haven't shipped it yet (3 days after ordering). C'mon man!! Hopefully the Geek Squad guy will live up to his promise of transferring all my files onto the new hard drive if the old one isn't that corrupted. I mean, I hate computer problems in general, but what the hell?! Two in less than a year?! This makes me rethink the whole PC thing, as much as I hate to admit. I swear Macs don't have this problem...
But anywho, that is the story of why I've been M.I.A. I've had SO much to say!

I ordered my birthday dress from Zac Posen's line at Target. It's gorgeous! They had it in all red, but I chose to get the black and blue dress (pictured right). The bottom of the actual dress (not the ruffle attachment) is a little stiff, but it fits nicely, and I like the two-in-one styling of it too. I plan on wearing it with a white t-shirt underneath and some ankle socks with heels to tone down the formality of it. I mean, I am just going to Red Lobster! :-P I also bought the Ruched Skirt as a back-up outfit. However, I returned it because I honestly didn't have a top in my closet that I imagined would go well it. That, and my belly too. No fault of the designer, because the skirt was sex-ay!! If you're interested in Zac Posen's collection, I'd suggested you hurry over there now; the collection was debuted April 25th and stock may be running low by now.

What else? Ahh, yess.... I'M HOME!!! Everything went well with my projects and finals, and now I'm waiting for grades. Packing and storage was another thing, though. This year, my parents decided that I should fly home. Big mistake. I had so much stuff I had to send 3 boxes home so that I wouldn't have to pay for an overweight suitcase. That still wasn't enough, and I had to cough up $50 for a 63 pound suitcase. I used the same storage company from last year, and they were pretty much off their game this year. I knew something was up when they delivered by boxes a day late when I had already scheduled the drop-off ahead of time. My friend used the same company but left earlier than me. She had to call me over to her dorm while the movers picked up her stuff at 5:00PM because her ride to the airport was waiting for her. The storage people originally told her that they'd be there at 2:30. They told me that someone would call the day before or the day of to confirm my time; they obviously couldn't tell me right then and there when I was on the phone with them. Nobody called me the day before or the day of. I had to blow up this one number for 2 hours. No one picked up or called me back! I went to their website and got another number, called that, and there was immediate response. Really?! Turns out they had scheduled to pick up my box at 1:30 PM. When I got in touch with the second number, it was 3:30. And they had no explanation for their mishap. Riiiiight, bet you I won't use THEM again next year.

There will be more updates later, and I promise to blog more, but this should suffice for now. :)

Will This Be the Last Summer Home??

2010-04-29T12:39:00.000-05:00

I just heard that Mayor Daley wants the National Guard to patrol the streets of Chicago while listening to the Podcast for DreX in the Morning Radio Show. Um, what? A National Guard in a local city?? How about you get the Chicago Police Department to do their job?!?! They're there for a reason, aren't they?! In my humble opinion, it's about time for another mayor. Not for the next election, NOW. He obviously is incapable of handling the problems of his city to the point where he has to resort to drastic and unnecessary measures for something that could be fixed with the resources right in front of his face. If you got the money to hire the National Guard, you ought to have the money to hire more police officers. In matter of fact, how about you purge the police department of all 100% of the crooked cops that use their badges to harm the citizens they're supposed to protect. If we had more capable police officers who actual want to protect the citizens instead of being a power-hungry asshole getting away with whatever they want, this wouldn't be such a problem. I'm pretty sure there are good cops out there, so maybe not all cops are crooked. But there are enough to have a news story about a police officer abusing his authority every 2-3 weeks. This was SO absurd I just had to do a mini-blog about this to make people (or my 6 followers) aware.

"Let's Argue Just for the Sake of Winning Now!!"

2010-04-27T02:24:00.000-05:00

This is sadly a reoccurring thing, and oddly enough, these arguments tend to happen via the internet.

There was a Youtube video discussing products a Youtuber used to make her natural hair grow faster. My post read:

Congrats on your entrepreneurship endeavors. You listen to your hair well; I aspire to become one with mine. To others: she is generous enough to offer her tricks of the trade. If you are skeptical of them, there's no need for YOU to use them. Obviously, she knew her hair well enough to know what to with it and what to put in it. And why would she use harmful ingredients in her hair products after telling you all how her hair HATED them? Just let her hair GROW people!

Does this seem worthy enough to comment back to? Someone must've thought sobecause she commented on my post as if she were offended or something, and it's been back and forth for a bit. To me, it just seems like she's trying to make sure that she's right about.... something. Truthfully, I shouldn't have commented back to her in the first place in order to diffuse the situation from the jump. But I felt such disrespect in the way that the commenter handled her word choice and capitalization that I had to defend myself. I put the blame on myself when my one-sided Youtube opinions turn into arguments. I cannot speak for the intentions of the other person because I don't know her (or him?). In all honesty, it's not that serious, especially to be doing this via the internet to somebody you don't know about someone you don't know. I feel that people have this desire to always be right, which leads to these internet confrontations, or just confrontations in general. Every time I go to the Bad Girls Club's Facebook fan page, there are always two girls attacking each other. Is this the fan page for the Bad Girls Club television show or the Internet Bashers playground? We cannot distinguish between what's worth our time and effort and what's not once we get offended, whether we're right or wrong. That's one emotion that leaves a bitter taste in our mouth, and the emotion of revenge usually follows. We want to show the person how much they've offended us by offending them back. They want to return the favor, so the cycle continues. Sometimes, the best revenge is to respond with, "Okay" (or not at all) and leave the situation alone. Going back to the BGC fan page, I put a comment up there myself saying how I didn't like one of the bad girl's outfits. Someone responded by attacking the style of my hair in my profile picture. There are so many things I could've said, so many ways I could've taken her comment. However, I just responded: "That wasn't really an insult, but thanks anyway." Not really the best comment to diffuse the situation but it was definitely better than getting catty. I know I still need to learn to leave the situation alone, via internet and otherwise.

Accountability and Responsibility

2010-04-22T14:16:00.000-05:00

As the semester ends, many students are scrambling to do last-minute projects, the iLab is crowded with people typing and printing papers due for their next class, and the libraries are packed with students cramming in last minute for their finals. I'm one of those people. I mismanaged my time so horribly this semester, and I take the personal blame because these projects and papers were not sprung on me yesterday. One particular class, Clothing and Human Behavior, demands a 15-page research proposal and a research essay/paper that requires us to find information at a designated research center (that's on campus, by the way), both due on the same day. I think I have a bizarre grasp of time, because I could've sworn I gave myself more than a week to do the two projects, but there's nothing I can do to change that now. Anyway, while I was in the research center yesterday, many of my classmates came in last-minute to work on their research essays, too. The thing that disappointed me was how one person complained about the project and put blame on the teacher. She even said, "I'm not finna put a lot of work into this project. I'm sorry, but this is just stupid to me." This project was given to us close to the beginning of the semester. We had almost 2 1/2 months to make efforts to begin researching and start on the project. Just because you're starting last minute the project deserves no effort on your part? HUH?! It just dawned on me at how typical that reaction is around crunch time for finals; nobody wants to be accountable for their actions, or lack thereof, and just make excuses. Everybody had an excuse as to why they're waiting last-minute or why the project is "stupid" as if that makes everything okay and will smooth out the situation they're in. Just do it. The project is and will still be unfinished until you put effort into it. And learn from your mistake to never put things off until the day before again.
The fact that such large projects are being done so late in the semester shows lack of responsibility too. I'm a procrastinator, and I know that. I'm not going to make excuses to cover the fact that I'm using my extra time on Facebook or taking naps. However, I'm not okay with that, and I will work on that fault in order to save myself such stress at the last minute. Why lie? You didn't take the recommendation of the teacher to NOT wait until the last minute to do the project. Once again, she didn't do that, you did. Be responsible for your actions. Also, we as college students need to get out of the habit of having teachers baby us with projects. "Man, she only told us about that project once, and that was it. Was she going to remind somebody about when it was due?" In the real world, they'll expect to tell you something once and that will be it. Don't let them ask for it on the due date and you say, "Oh, you never reminded me about it," because that's your job. If an assignment is put on you for a specific date, be responsible and make note of it. Remind yourself. Nobody will be your mother in the workplace. And that's real.
Now don't get me wrong. I'm not exempt from this advice nor am I better than those who aren't accountable and responsible for themselves. I've been there and am there now. But the greater lesson is to be aware of how irresponsible we are and to better ourselves for the long-run. With that being said, let me knock out this last class of the semester!!! WOOOOOOO CLASSES ARE OVER!!!! :)

BET got beef??

2010-04-20T23:27:00.000-05:00

I'm a Chris Brown fan, so I was pretty excited when BET allowed him to perform during their Spring Bling (because let's all face it, we know he was banned from their Awards/Michael Jackson Dedication show. And that's why it was a hot mess). I missed it when it aired on television last Friday because I was so busy and not even in my room, but something reminded me today to find it on the wonderful world of Youtube. I did, and I'm glad I watched it on Youtube during my own spare time rather than schedule my day around it. It was a MESS. Chris Brown is a wonderful performer in concerts, so his Spring Bling performance was kind of hard to watch. First off, he had a tiny little three-minute segment to cram in all his dancing abilities. OH! And let's talk about those dancing abilities. What in the world was his choreographer thinking???? The moves were as horrible as they were way back when in his Whose Girl is That video! Argh! I could've got up there and did that mess.
I can't understand why he would all of a sudden give a bad performance like that, so I'm going to blame it on BET. They obvious have beef with him and probably sabotaged him. Either his choreographer was given to him by BET or the choreographer he hired for this appearance was in cahoots with BET. Either way it goes, they jacked up his dance routine. He was given a snippet of a time to perform, and it was probably a last-minute adjustment. They just want to hold a grudge against him for his past. He making immense strides to do better in his life and career, and they should be lucky he even wanted to perform on their foolish little Spring Bling!!
Yes, I know it's probably just his fault, too. This was just a little rambling joke. Ok, now back to my homework!!

"Mommy. I Want To Be a Bi-sexual Barbie!!"

2010-04-17T19:07:00.000-05:00

Yes, dear reader, this IS about Nicki Minaj.

Now, I'm not going to lie. I gave Nicki Minaj a chance when she was just coming on the scene and the only picture they had of her was her licking a lollipop and squatting with her legs spread. And there was no other conclusion to come to but NO. No, this girl is not hot. No, this girl does not have skills. No, this girl should not even be given the honor of being called a female rap artist. No, I will not like her.
So let's just clear that air about my non-praising opinion of her giving someone the right to call me a "hater." (Speaking of hater, I will definitely have to blog about that word later!) Now, ever since she's gotten big and has been everywhere and on many songs, I see so many people idolizing her so much as to try to emulate her style or start calling themselves "Barbie." Now, I'm not going to go into a rant about the enigma about why people want to emulate something so fake and materialistic, but what caused me to blog about her, or more so what she represents, is these speculations about her lying about her image. Comments from MediaTakeOut followers can pretty much be summed up in this one question: "Why would somebody lie about something like that?!" Well my fellow humans, it happens. People lie about their ages, even to people that are supposed to be friends and family. People have lied to fit in the "in-crowd" during high school. People have lied about EVERYTHING to EVERYONE. Now, specifically celebrities lie to stay current and make money. I believe that Nicki Minaj really wouldn't have a steady fan base that she has now if that piece of her, her bi-sexuality, was non-existent. We can't act like bisexuality has recently been promoted as something "cool" and will get you attention from the boys. Well.... what do you think she's trying to do?! Duh, people. The fault is on you all for falling for something so far-fetched like that. Gee, who would've thought her image would be as fake as her butt. *zing!* But no seriously, nobody is surprised when has-beens pull this stunt to get back in the public image, so why be stunned when someone uses shock tactics from the beginning of their career? And for those who said the girl making the accusations was a "hater": what are you going to say when those things come out to be true? Let's not knock what we're unsure of in the first place.
The moral of the story is: sometimes people lives' are a lie. It's your job to make sure you're not one of those people. You don't need to be. If you want to be at a certain level in your career, work to get there. If you want fame, show your skills and promote the "you" you really are. That way, you are confident with yourself and secure with your own personal success at the end of the day. Be you, be true, and be successful, dear followers (or whoever happens to come upon this lol). Don't follow in this girl's footsteps because lies always catch up with you.

Summer Scouring

2010-04-15T20:32:00.000-05:00

Back when I couldn't find a job as a high school student, I made the assumption that college students get priority over the available summer jobs. Now that I'm about to be finished with my second year of college, I know that's nowhere near true. I am the rare young individual who has never had a job. Never. Maybe I'm being picky and only applying for work in retail shops that I know having that experience will benefit me in the long-run. Maybe I'm starting too late in the game when applying. Maybe I'm just not desirable. Whatever the case is, I have yet to have any source of income yet. Approximately 99.9% of my friends have had a job before. And on top of that, I don't have an internship either. Since I'm trying to break out into the fashion industry, experience is always needed, which is why I can't apply for internships (and jobs) that say "A minimum of 1 year experience in retail is needed." No job and no internship. I'm about to cross the age threshold of becoming a young adult. What's going on?!
Don't get me wrong, I'm not just bumming around all the time. I do volunteer work here and there. But that's the only thing on my resume. How can I compete when I have no actual experience in a work environment? Why would they hire me if I've never had a job before? The thing that bugs me is that I can't get one decent job in order to say I have experience. I mean, how do people expect me to get job experience if they won't allow me the opportunity to do so? And if nobody will hire me now when I don't depend on income to support myself, what's going to happen after May 2012 when I graduate?
I know I don't have many followers or dedicated blog readers but I'll ask anyway: how did you get your first job/internship? What advice do you have for those who can't seem to get their foot in the door before they graduate college?

Feeling Confident!!!.... and Overwhelmed :(

2010-04-14T00:10:00.000-05:00

So, let's get to the good news about today. I'm very suspicious of salons that I've never been to, especially when I'm away here at school. Even so, my hair still needs things that I couldn't provide for it, oh, like maybe a trim. Trims are important to prevent split ends from jacking up your hair, to be quite frank, and they're even more important when you're transitioning from permed to natural so that you can retain the length that you're growing. Normally, they say to get trims every 6-8 weeks. I haven't trimmed in 8 months. Yes, shame on me. That's because I don't trust too many people with my hair, especially when it involves scissors. And the stylist I did trust I wasn't sure if she was equipped to deal with my two textures, so I didn't go to her either. After being scolded so many times by my younger friend, I decided that I should at least look into some people to give me the confidence to actually go beyond my comfort zone and let them style my hair. I found a well-designed website that I kept going to, and I decided to make an appointment for a cut (I thought I had that much damage going on) Saturday. Yes, I based someone's hair skills off how nice their website looked. My reasoning was if they put any or a lot of effort into marketing themselves through a website, then they must be pretty good. She unfortunately had to reschedule for Tuesday (today, er... yesterday). She was wonderful. The trim came out great, and my hair (including the new growth I thought was troublesome) was straighter than ever! And the few compliments she gave helped some too. ;) She told me that I didn't need a perm, implying that my natural hair was the bomb diggity without chemicals, and she told me my curl pattern was cute and that my hair looked healthy. That was such a confidence booster because all this time I wasn't sure if what I was doing to my hair was making it nice, strong, and healthy. It also made me realize that I probably didn't need a perm. I got a perm because I thought my hair was unmanageable; I was tired of getting hair ripped out my brain every time I got it done or getting burned by the flat iron. Looking back, I don't think it was my hair; it was poor hair education of those who did my hair. Me and my mom didn't know any better when it came to my hair before I got it permed. She couldn't do it, so she always let hairdressers do whatever to it; I was too young to know proper haircare, just as long as I wasn't doing it. This made me realize why I need to stop being so lazy when it comes to taking care of my own hair. But it really will take me some time adjusting from getting up and going in the morning to undoing my hair, applying this oil and that moisturizer, fluffing the hair, and accessorizing. UGH! Accessorizing is the worse. X(
M'kay now that not-so-fantabulous news. It's crunch time. This semester is the definition of crunch time. I've procrastinated so much lately that I got so many lengthy final projects to do and NONE of them are nowhere near finished. In my mind, I've been thinking I've got plenty of days and months and ample amount of time to crank out this stuff, but in reality, it's more work than I would've ever imagined. I got a 1,200 word page paper due, a detailed business plan (estimate of 50 pages), a group yard sale to do, a group proposal to do, a networking packet to do, a research proposal (estimate of 15 pages), a research paper and presentation (didn't even start on yet), and an unpredictable class with a teacher that demands much, teaches little, and my grade is as clear as dirty water. On the plus side, I only have one written final. But the way I function, that's not a plus for me; I'd rather take tests over papers because I know myself so well. This brings me to my other overwhelming frustration. It seems like whenever I notice my development and growth as a person, I notice more digression. My laziness is so crippling, and I just can't seem to make moves to improve it. I think it's because I'm so accustomed to doing last-minute work, and since some of those last-minute assignments receive A's, I'm stuck in the thought process of, "If it's not broke, don't fix it." Sooner or later, last-minute is going to stop working for me, and I need to fight that head on before it's too late. Yes, I've started to attempt to be more assertive. Yes, I'm branching out to be more well-rounded during school and applying for executive board positions (I'll see tomorrow whether I get it. Fingers crossed!!). Yes, I'm trying to be less private and more sociable. Yes, I'm starting to embrace the responsibilities of leadership. Yes, I'm beginning to be more vulnerable and honest. But this recurring event of laziness just makes all my accomplishments seem futile. *sigh*

Spring is Finally Here!

2010-04-03T18:20:00.000-05:00

You know Spring is here when on the first warm/hot day, EVERYBODY is half-naked and outside. You know it's Spring on a college campus when the yard is full and classrooms are empty in the middle of the day. Spring is officially here, ladies and gentlemen! It's been a long time since I've seen so much leg, arm and chest skin from ladies, and it never ceases to amaze how fabulous everyone looks when the day before, they were bundled up in a hoodie, sweatpants, and gym shoes. This is the time where it's a little winter chill leftover but the summer sun is trying its best to be seen and felt. I'm happy spring is here, because spring is my kind of season. I'm not a fan of hot heat nor am I a fan of chilling cold. I'm a Spring Baby anyway so it's natural. =D

And with spring, comes ResFest. On my campus, ResFest is a "friendly" competition between the dorms in various activities and sports and the overall winner of ResFest gets those bragging rights for the whole year. It's usually a big deal to freshmen, but there are still seniors and even alumni who rep their freshman dorms. The two main events, and worth the most points, are the dance competition and the step competition. I was a member of the step team for my dorm last year, and we won first place (Thank you, thank you. You're far too kind). I've been helping out the newbie girls for this year so they can win as well. Winning the step competition last year was, and still is, such a big deal because my dorm is often underestimated. Being an all girls' dorm with "luxurious" amenities such as air conditioning and a kitchenette on every floor, unlike our rival all girl's dorm, they stereotype us as quiet, mild-mannered homebodies. So it was a shock to everyone when we won, especially since we never came in first place before. I'm looking forward to this year mainly because I can actually enjoy ResFest this time around. So far, the ResFest activities that have already taken place are game night (spades, dominoes, taboo, etc.) and flag football. I missed both :( But there's still more interesting events to come!

From Bad Girls to Bad Politics

2010-03-25T00:35:00.000-05:00

So, my guilty pleasure is watching a season of foolishness titled "The Bad Girls Club." I This season, there have been three out of nine girls who have spat on another. Huh? What are chicks doing spitting on each other in an argument?! And then they turn around and say, "Ohmigawd, spitting is just SO gross and disrespectful." But ummmm you just spit on her back... so what does that make you? And as disgusting as that was, there are grown people in the world of politics spitting on people, too. And they can't stop at spitting; they must use derogatory slurs at congressmen too. What's with this Tea Party??? Why should anyone take your opinion seriously if you're being disrespectful? And that's not even getting down to what they said to whom, which really gets my blood boiling. You called a prominent figure of the civil rights movement back in the '60s a n*****?! AGAIN?!? FOURTY YEARS LATER?!?!? How dare you! Way to show that there are still narrow-minded racists who still can't get over the fact that it's now 50 years later and that America has moved nowhere regarding progress towards equality of races. Thanks a lot. Go and crawl back under the rock you've been living under for half a century.
It amazes me how many people stoop to such low and disrespectful levels just to get their points across. You think spitting on a congressman is going to make him change his vote for the healthcare reform bill? No. They're still going to say "yes" to it. IF that was why you were spitting on them in the first place. Once you do something so degrading as to break their spirit, it's some personal vendetta you have and nothing to do with a logical reason. A senseless desire to gain power over someone.
Many older black people always say my generation of black men and women have it easy and have lost our sense of black pride because we haven't gone through racism and oppression like it was pre-Civil Rights. Hopefully, we shall prove them wrong in the coming months and years and stand up and say something against such blatant racism that is happening so frequently in our government now that we have a black president (oddly enough). This cannot continue.

Let's Act Like We're Mature, College Students

2010-03-19T18:35:00.000-05:00

While getting my weekly fill out outrageous news and juicy gossip from MediaTakeOut, I came across a post headlined, "Talking Mess!!! College Girl Starts Talking Reckless to Teacher During Class... Threatens Classmates... and Police End Up Dragging Her Out in Handcuffs!!!" Intrigued, I click to see the video posted. And honestly, I was ashamed. Not because she was a black female, but because this happened in a college setting. I must have naively thought that college is the time to transition from immature teen rebel to a mature and responsible adult, because the fact that this instance had to occur in a college classroom is absolutely upsetting. I know teachers aren't always the best and they may give you a bunch of mess, but really? It's a waste of time and MONEY to argue over nothing, threaten this teacher and that student, and get campus police called in to come arrest you. I know the video didn't show the whole instance from the very beginning, for we don't even hear the actual threats made or a water bottle being thrown as the video description stated, but from the conversation I heard I'm assuming the argument stemmed from a misunderstanding between the student and the teacher's response/question. A misunderstanding that could've been easily cleared up without threatening anyone! My college students, one very important lesson to take away from this is to put your ego aside in the classroom and act like a mature adult. Put things into perspective and always think, "Is this argument really worth it, or am I just keeping this up just to prove I can win?" P.S. winning isn't everything; it might get you arrested.
And the police were in the wrong too. I swear I didn't hear them ask her to go anywhere three times (as said in the video description) nor did they tell her they were going to handcuff her. Shouldn't they have given her the option of peacefully walking out with them? And why did THREE police officers have to restrain her? In my opinion, the police officer who put his knee in her back was completely out of line. She's already on the ground in handcuffs; what harm can she do to anyone now? I can easily see her filing a lawsuit for that because that was unnecessary on their part. But then again, power does that to people, especially police officers. Shame.

Douchebag Central and Big Girl Mentality

2010-03-16T20:37:00.000-05:00

My guilty pleasure has been checking twitter pages without being an official "tweeter." I am a big Chris Brown fan, so I've been tuning in more than usual to Twitter just to check his page. *blush* Well, I look and see he sent a "god bless you" tweet to Perez. Everyone knows Perez was/is pretty hard on Chris since the domestic violence incident, so I was pretty surprised Chris tweeted something to him. I thought, "Whaat? Perez said something good or something?!" I clicked on Perez's twitter page, this JERK said: "Why don't you delete your Twitter again? Or, better yet, go cry about why radio isn't supporting you! xoxo" What's his deal?? What possessed him to just be so ignorant out the blue?? Oh, right, I am talking about Perez Hilton here. I have personal beef with him because of his holier-than-thou completely biased opinion of celebrities that never applies to him. ESPECIALLY when he called will.i.am a fag. Not to be rude, but has he looked in the mirror with that flamboyantly pink hair? And not even that. But why would a gay person used a derogatory term, especially one meant for a gay person? Bet he would've been mad if someone called him a fag. But it's perfectly okay for him to do it, yet it's perfectly un-okay for him to get socked in the face because of it. He deserved it, point blank period. And he bitched about it on his frilly little page. Oh my, yet he's telling Chris Brown to "go cry about why radio isn't supporting you"! Hypocrite. And I hate hypocrites. I'm not even pissed at Perez Hilton because I'm a Chris Brown fan. I just hate hypocrites and those who feel satisfied for putting other people down and trying to get people riled up (so they can go back and bitch when someone sucker punches them). He's an attention-seeker, and how ironic is that that he's so hard on Tila Tequila when he acts just like her? Smh.
And speaking of douchebags, how about that Howard Stern??? Let's think foe a second: who's this guy and what does he do? An unnecessary nobody who just a plain ol' radio personality. Wow, you really have place to talk about someone who's doing way bigger things in life than YOU ever will. He really has no place to talk about anyone because he's not important. Gosh, how can I stress the fact that he's so insignificant?!?! It makes me so mad to hear that she's not going to make it as an actress because she's big and fat (and you know he wants to add "black" into that description because he's just that ignorant. Don't act like you didn't expect that). In case you were living under a rock, she's doing greater things with her FIRST movie than a lot of these skinny chicks will ever do in their whole acting career. Secondly, she already has other movies lined up AND a new TV series coming out. Third, her success in the acting industry and her confidence will inspire other producers, directors, and writers who have been waiting for a character like her to come around to not only hire her but to give them jobs to change the face of the entertainment industry. Triple pow to you, Mr. Howard Stern!!

My second component to this post, Big Girl Mentality, was inspired by an episode of How Do I Look? that transformed a woman from drab to fab. Stephanie, a mother a four, was a victim of domestic violence and is currently in the process of getting off her feet and regaining her confidence. What really stuck with me was how she used to wear over-sized clothes with stains on them from her children. I can't remember the exact words but the host pretty much posed the question, "You rather wear over-sized clothing to make yourself look larger than you really are?" I actually used to do that, pretty much ever since I could remember. I slowly got out of it by senior year of high school but I remember thinking that wearing bigger shirts would camouflage my flaws and that wearing fitted shirts would be repulsive. That hit home with me because I was in her shoes for a long time. It's hard to be confident with the shape of your body when you're spoon-fed ideologies from the media (and because douchebags like Howard Stern won't let you be!) and the easiest way to forget is to hide it. I hid my stomach in men's t-shirts and hid my arms in huge hoodies. Covering up is such a big girl mentality because a lot of women don't feel like they can find anything that will fit them and look good on them so why bother when I can just buy a huge shirt and call it a day. But that's a bold faced lie! And I've come to term with the fact that trial and error with an open mind changes things. It takes time to stop obsessing over the rolls and cellulite, but the more you wear clothes that flatter what God has given, the more those little bits and pieces will start to appear as unimportant as they should be. But all-in-all, Stephanie's transformation was beautiful and really inspired me to embrace my God-givens! And so should all of YOU!! Forget the douchebags out there and prove 'em wrong with your confidence!! <3

Rip the Runway Thoughts

2010-03-15T22:48:00.000-05:00

First and foremost, Nicki Minaj is one scary creature. No, seriously. She's creepy. She was the co-host for the show, but I'm talking about when she performed her rap from Ludacris' "My Chick Bad." I love that song and can even tolerate her part. But the way she came out rapping it.... horrendous!! She was literally screaming her part at the audience. Total turn-off, even if I was a dedicated "Barbie" fan. I was frightened that she was going to start kicking people in their faces or biting off ears Mike Tyson style. :-S

Pooch Hall. Oh, Pooch. He shattered so many dreams at my homecoming, and I just can't look at him the same way. He's such a lame. And that's sad; it's such a waste of body and face. :(

The Subway to Runway girl: did you see her hairline? No? I didn't either. And what made matters worse was that the poor child glued in her weave. I don't understand why people would want to glue ANYTHING anywhere near their hair!! No thank you! I don't mind extensions and sewing in weaves and even wigs, but glue is just one thing that perplexes me. Maybe because I'm so girly when it comes to my hair that I would value it more than my life (well, not really but you get the drift), but if I had that girl's hairline, I'd be too devastated to come out the house, let alone show that on TV! Loss of hairline hair is a common tragedy for so many black women who don't take care of their hair properly or at all. Joining Black Hair Planet has really opened my eyes to so many great products and damaging things and ingredients to watch out for. Fortunately, my hair isn't in a horrible condition that'd take so many years to correct. I'd recommend all my lovely black females with not-so-lovely hair problems to take a look at that forum and gather information before it's too late to be corrected.
The actual designers were fabulous. I didn't have too many complaints. I'm so proud that they featured the designer for plus-sized women (Tennille White). What's even more exciting is that she's from Chicago!! Heeeeeyyyy now! ^_^
Tracy Reese: It was interesting for her to chose to do Rip the Runway. I don't know why, but I just didn't expect someone of her caliber to do a BET fashion show. Nonetheless, I'm glad she did. The last time I saw a collection of hers I wasn't impressed. It came off boring and plain. She really stepped it up with this collection, though, and I may have to give her a second look. Another thing about Tracy Reese is her connection to Michelle Obama. An organization on my campus held a panel discussion with African-American female entrepreneurs in the fashion industry. One of the panelists mentioned how unfortunate it was that Michelle Obama just now started to wear Tracy Reese's designs. I guess it's the blacks-supporting-blacks thing, but Tracy Reese is doing so good on her own that she really doesn't need a prominent figure like Mrs. Obama to get her face out there. Her face is already out there. The real problem is that Michelle Obama (and Oprah) didn't do enough to save Maria Pinto. I unfortunately didn't find out anything about her until she had to file for bankrupt. What??? That could've been prevented if influential people got her name out there in good timing. It's a shame because her clothes are phenomenal. But I'm going to try to nab me some things from her sale tomorrow!

Tiny and Toya's new season: OMG will someone please throw me off a cliff IMMEDIATELY?!? Is it really necessary to feed the habits of those who are begging for attention? They're not important to anyone except their baby daddies T.I. and Lil' Wayne. And Toya's not even that important to Weezy (sad to say, but you know how man whores are). I must admit that Toya is my favorite out the two hooligans because she's trying to be independent and is mending her broken heart, but there are so many other ways to do that than a reality show! And speaking of reality shows, this mess has become a foolish epidemic. There are hardly any entertaining and pure shows around to watch. It's either watch these wild and unruly people look a pure and utter hot mess here (Jersey Shore), watch this horribly staged "drama" there (The Hills), or be amazed at how boring a golddigger's life is with her family (Keeping up with the Kardashians). C'mon now, are there no script writers for TV anymore? I want to watch something with a plot, well-thought out and with substance. I can't take anymore exploitation of attention seekers 24/7. Now, the occasional guilty pleasure is ok (mines would be the Bad Girls Club), but reality shows are everywhere. Is anybody else slightly losing their mind like I am??

Astrology: Pseudoscience or Words to Live By?

2010-02-24T03:51:00.000-06:00

Disclaimer: I should not in any way, shape, or form be up this early on a school night!! Now that that's out the way...

My friend and I were pretty much going on an astrology "binge" and finding all types of traits about our zodiac signs. It started from seeing negative traits to personality characteristics in general and then love compatibility. After leaving her, I went and did my own friendship compatibility analysing the truth to how the websites said we'd match up and the conflicts we'd have and the conflicts we really have had. It pretty much summed up my assumptions and guesses and gave me interesting insight into my flourishing friendships with people at college and from high school. It unfortunately (or fortunately?) also brought to my attention an issue that will most likely never be solved with another friend, thus resulting in dissolving the friendship altogether. I took psychology freshman year and the brief section about pseudoscience, or "false" science, included astrology amongst science that is only based on what people want to be heard about themselves but is so general that it doesn't necessarily pertain to a specific person to a T. But doesn't it creep you out when you read something about how you were supposed to act in your childhood and it matches almost 100% to how you really did? I always have those moments, but what really struck me was a horoscope specifically geared towards those born on the cusps of two signs (the end/beginning of two signs). It talked about my childhood, and it was accurate. Like pretty accurate. Very. It's interesting to me because one would think that if you're born in-between two signs that you would just be a mixture of both the good and the bad of each sign, yet it's really deeper than that somehow. One article talked about how well-rounded people are born on cusp dates and that the negative characterists of each trait are toned down.
I can understand questioning the general characteristics of a certain sign because there may be some exceptions within the people of the sign or there may be people who hold dominant characteristics from another sign and rarely any from their own. At the same time, I can't deny that non-general things mentioned that touch on subjects from your hidden self (the part of you that you don't reveal to anyone and that only you would know and understand) are beyond "false." I personally feel that there are some things you just can't deny and there are some things where you may have to adjust accordingly based on your individual upbringing and interraction with people. So when is it time to put your trust in astrology and when is the time to take it with a grain of salt?

Morning News and Other Things That Tried to Ruin My Day

2010-02-22T09:40:00.001-06:00

So, I woke up this morning early enough to go downstairs to the cafe and eat breakfast. The news was on. The first headliner that made me go, "Excuse me?!" was the brief coverage of Tiger Wood's apology. The announcer guy said, "Was it enough?" Excuse me?! First of all, why does Tiger Woods have to publically apologize for a private affair that's supposed to be between him and his wife? You don't see no other cheaters issuing a press conference so say sorry to their significant others. And why was even forced to make the apology in the first place? Leave him alone. He didn't cheat on nobody but his wife, so why is everyone in his marital affairs?! That brought me to the second train of thought: "Hmm... this sounds familiar. An apology everybody angrily demanded yet nobody thought was genuine when it was finally given." Chris Brown anyone? Now, I told myself I wasn't going to go back there and I left my last peace to be spoken on this matter back in a previous blog, but this just had to be said. Now, I'm the type of person who would use the race card as a last resort, but this is just too obvious for even me to ignore. Two black men have to publically apologize for a private matter that happened centuries ago (yea, it's an exaggeration but you get what I mean). Also, they're going to constantly have that incident as a prefix to their name (i.e., "women beater Chris Brown," "cheater Tiger Woods"). Not only that, but there are so many other white men who have or will do the same damn thing and not have to say sorry for it. CHARLIE SHEEN ANYONE? Geez, that pisses me off just thinking about it. For those who didn't know Charlie Sheen choked his wife on Christmas. What's even funnier is that the article mentions he had a previous domestic violence incident back in '96 when he attacked a girlfriend. Whoa, might I point out that Chris Brown never had a record of violence? And he had to apologize over Charlie Sheen? Interesting. And why does Tiger Woods have to apologize over Hugh Hefner? Yea, I'm not even going to state my case against that; you all know that's just all types of wrong.
And Obama's new health care plan. Ummm... there's a whole bunch of ignorance and shiestiness going around in the political atmosphere when it comes to the health care reform. For one, why does Obama have to reissue a second and watered down plan when his party had the majority when the first reform went around?? How rude of the Democrats to not back him up!! That doesn't even make sense. There's no reason for you to go against the president who is the same party as you are. Now taxes are going to have to go up if this next bill passes; it's going to cost reducion in Medicare and $1 trillion to pay for mandatory health care! What the hell are their problems? Racist much!?!? #justsayin
On a less serious note, a news segment about credit cards caught my attention. The gist of it was that people under the age of 21 must have a cosigner AND proof of employment in order to get a credit card. That's smart; it'll cut down on young people developing debt so early in life. But wait a minute, that's another age cut-off I have to wait for! First driving at 16, legality at 18, drinking at 21, and now credit cards too? Dang. It's just the principality of the fact, because my mom wont let me get one anyway. :-P
What else? Ah, yes. The Sprite Step-Off. Being a HBCU college student and having stepped myself, I would be lying if I said part of me didn't agree with a white sorority, Zeta Tau Alpha, winning. On the other hand, I wasn't there so I can't really give my opinion off nothing but heresay, but the reasoning behind the uproar against the sorority is pretty hard to disagree with. The main reason that had me convinced was the fact that MTV may have "rigged" the show in order to promote and capitalize off of the sorority's cinderella story and their reality show coverage of it. I guess it was because the organizations from the National Pan-Hellenic Council were so often advertised that many people, myself included, thought it was a Divine Nine sort of thing. I'm all for integration, but stepping is something so rich in African culture that it's hard not to give white people the side-eye for trying to dabble in it. It's one of those things where if you don't understand where it came from, don't do it. But, I'm going to push my presumptions aside until I actually see the show in its entirety (hopefully it'll be posted somewhere!) so that I can appropriately judge who should've won.
That's all for now. Gotta go to class!

Waitress: The Bottom of the Food Chain (no pun intended)

2010-02-21T20:59:00.000-06:00

Friday, I went out to celebrate a birthday. Long story short, one of my friends had the manager take off the 18% gratuity for large groups because our waitress didn't deserve that much. She tips according to how good the waiter/waitress is. Being empathetic me, it made me sad. I felt for the poor waitress who won't receive tips from most likely 80% of our table. "What's the big deal with tipping a freakin' waitress?!" you my ask? Well, waitresses are at the bottom of the food chain. The worst paying job, I will so boldly declare. They rely on tips to make up the majority of their paycheck (and that's only if they get to keep their own tips and not collectively split all the tips amongst the other waiters/waitresses) and they have to deal with people at their absolute worst: while they're eating. And don't work at a restaurant near a college campus, because you'll definitely get no love! "We in college; we ain't got no money to tip no waitress!!"
Whenever I used to go to restaurants (pre-college), I would help my mother calculate 15% of the bill to tip the waitress. We never assessed how fast she was, how many times she came to check up on us, if the food was food, or any other "deciding" factor for her tip; we just got as close to 15% as we could and left it on the table. Well, I still do it when I go home. But during college, I've just rolled with the crowd of people who say "eff the waitress" and just pay the bill with not even a little something. "The bill is $15.69 and I still ask for change!" (P.S. what is that extra 31 cents going to do for you in the long run?) I feel horrible now for doing that, because I feel like waitresses and college students kind of have it bad equally. Both on hard times, hardly any money in your pocket, and a prosperous future is unpredictable. The only difference is the attitudes. College students give it; waitresses receive it. On that note, waitresses deserve more respect than we tend to give them. Who else could deal with nasty, demanding people and still not take it out on the other customers? And on top of that, get paid barely minimum wage for it? Only the strong can survive that, because we all have experienced dealing with trifling people and having to bite our tongue from going off at them.
I had a friend who used to work at a restaurant while in high school and she talked about how low her paychecks were because not only did she receive sorry tips but the restaurant didn't even pay her minimum wage. Also, while half-listening to a podcast of DreX in the Morning (love that show!), he talked about how he tips 25% of the bill because he knows that some waitresses are only paid sometimes as low as $2.50 an hour (minimum wage is around $7.50). See what I mean?
So many people treat them like trash and give them rude attitudes for no reason. It's horrible! Just because they're serving you food? That makes you a superior to them? Ummm... what would you do if there was no waiter to complain about or get your food? Sit at a table and be hungry. Or it'd just be a fast food place. I think we should appreciate the courage of the person to take on such a job and sympathize with them as well, because (not to stereotype or categorize) they might have fallen on hard times and just need a little source of income just to get by. Just remember this when you go out to eat the next time, guys.

Catch Up Blog: Valentine's Day, Cabin Fever, and Brittney Spears

2010-02-11T04:15:00.000-06:00

Please don't get weirded out by the title lol

First things first: Valentine's Day. No, not the movie. The holiday that comes once a year where men spend billions and women stuff their faces with candy. Yea, that Valentine's Day. For the most part, I've been pretty bitter when it came to Valentine's Day because I wanted what everyone else had: fake sh!t. Excuse the language, but everybody knew Valentine's Day was a sham. People broke up Feb. 13th and got back together Feb. 15th, the cute guys/girls in the class always got the best candy, and etc. I never got anything from anyone besides my parents, not even my friends, until sophomore year in high school (which was my best V-day btw, shoutout to my sister Mikey and brother Lavid ^_^). But now, the whole concept of the holiday is just so.... sad to me. Like, how does Valentine's Day affect these girls' lives so well that they starve to get a date for a few hours? Couldn't you do that any day? And why do the girls only have to get pampered? (Don't give me that, "Men get theirs on Sweetest Day", because you're lying) Why is Valentine's Day so significant in your life that yo MUST have a date or the world will end? I'm still alive. Been alive for 19 going on 20 Valentine days; I feel like you'll be just fine if you're spending Sunday evening catching up on the homework you haven't done yet (or is that just me?). I can't grasp how this one day is so important that you must spend it with someone and you must be treated like a rare gem or else it's not worth living during Valentine's Day... I also want to plug someone else's article about Valentine's Day because when I read it, I thought, "Alright, who is this living my life?!" Read her blog post here. I think people get some kind of high off of being with someone, anyone, that they get withdrawl when they don't have anybody there to spoil them. Honestly, one day like Valentine's day shouldn't satisfy you. In a commitment, everyday should be Valentine's Day. Maybe not to the extent of receiving an expensive dinner or a bouquet of roses everyday, but that special feeling, that bliss of love, should be constant and consistent. And that's real.
NEXT!
I go to school in D.C. and I'm pretty sure everyone's aware that we're having "the snowstorm of the century" over here. It snowed from Friday to Saturday and it was snowing again today (well, Wednesday) Coming from a place where we had to get at least a foot of snow for officials to even slightly consider closing schools, I really downplayed the severity of the snow. But it's pretty serious. I haven't been to class since Friday, and it's a pretty good chance that I won't be going back until Tuesday. That's a whole week out because of snow! And it's not like, "Oh, school is cancelled, so I can go out and do what I want." No, I'm pretty much stuck in my dorm. AND I hate snow? Yea, I only went out for like... 5 hours these past 6 days. D.C. wasn't prepared for snow of this magnitude (not like they're ever prepared for snow of any magnitude, but that's another story). Metro buses aren't running, postal service has been suspended, and people are snowboarding in the streets. What's funny is that I always say that I want to be at college without the classes part, and that's exactly what I got. But I like to get up and travel and go places to get things done. I can't do that now. And it was fine and dandy for a little while, but now I'm starting to get irritated. I haven't got any work done (even though this is the perfect opportunity to do so) and I've been in my friends' room playing spades until 4 in the morning. I've pretty much been taking it easy. But I really want to venture out and return these orders to the store, mail off these pair of boots that don't fit, and buy some more hair products (not that I need anymore, but still!). And this whole no-school-for-a-week deal is throwing my school schedule off! Last night I didn't go to sleep until 6am. I can't do that on a regular school day; I have class at like 9!! So, I guess I'm complaining but I'm not complaining. I shouldn't though. No school is good school. :)
NEXT!!
I don't really want to talk about Brittney Spears lol. I just feel like I'm about to channel her crazy days because of my hair. I never said this, but I'm transitioning from relaxed to natural hair. I got my last perm in August of last year, so I'm 6 months into this thing. I'm trying to do healthier things to my hair now because for the last 5 months, I've just been flat ironing it and damaging it worse than the perm did. I'm not using any heat (no flat iron, no blow dryer) and I've upgraded my hair care products to include cowashing (washing the hair with conditioner only), deep conditioning, and hot oil treatments. I'm also doing (obsessively) extensive research on products to promote growth and repair breakage and hairstyles I can do myself during the winter. My hair must be at the time where it just doesn't want to act right and the new doesn't want to cooperate with the old anymore. I feel like my permed hair is too stringy and my new growth gets really puffy and resistent after one day of having it in a certain style. And I see on youtube women transitioning or already natural running combs right through their hair or just the style is flawless, and I think, "Well, damn. What's going on with mine?" Then on top of that, I think I'm shedding way too much, my scalp is itchy... Well, I'm sure you don't want to hear too much of the gory details, but you get the gist of it. This is the first time that I'm doing my hair all the time, too. I usually go to the shop and they do all the treatments and whatever needs to be done without questions. Now, not only am I in a special situation with two different textures, but I'm also in a different environment. I haven't heard too many good stories about the shops that my friends go to (they also seem to switch them up a bit) and on top of that, D.C. has pretty harsh water that takes a toll on hair that's not accustomed to it (MINE). I'm a bit out of my element. :( And it's frustrating because I was really excited to see the new growth, and my curl pattern looks really pretty. Now, it's doing a complete 180 on me. I'm not really ready to big chop (cut all the permed hair off) yet because I don't want my shrinkage to not look good on me. I feel that my head is so funny shaped and my face is so round that if the hair becomes too short it'll start looking crazy. But it's really not that easy to keep that in mind. One of my friends did her big chop recently, another who's already natural is trying to do a style to her hair... It's like so many people are doing something with their hair and my hair is stuck on neutral. So irritating!! I really need to braid this mess and just leave it be for a while before I really do get some clippers and shave this mess off...
*Ok, you're all caught up in life now*

Fear of Yourself

2010-02-05T13:13:00.000-06:00

One of my friends said she doesn't like to be judged. However, most of the comments that she says about others are judgmental. And that made me think. Are there pieces of us that we are so ashamed of that we can't accept what we dish out to others? Have we lost the Golden Rule principle (Do onto others that you want to be done onto you)? Or are we just oblivious of our flaws that we don't realize the things we don't like are being done by us on a daily basis?
I'm one to always think deeply and thoroughly about what I dislike about other people because I know I have my own issues and that I may subconsciously be disliking myself. Maybe that's why I'm so empathetic, or in the words of another friend, "too forgiving." But what she said sort of unsettled me. It's probably because I fear that I do the same hypocritical critiques.
This was just to be a quick blog. I really don't have anything intense to say about it except this: think about your actions before you condemn or dislike someone else's. Because, in reality, you could be hating the pieces of your own personality. Just be conscious, people. Hypocracy is not a good look.

Pregnancy Pact

2010-01-25T21:56:00.000-06:00

So I watched the Lifetime movie The Pregnancy Pact. First I'm going to give my opinion of the movie before moving on to the real issue. I thought the movie was interesting. I guess the concept of the rise of teen pregancy, albeit in this one town or all across America, due to a pact between friends to all have "matching babies" in a sense was... different. I personally think that this is not possible, at least on a large scale, but maybe just this one town, sure. Looking at the context clues of the movie provides the cause of this pact mindset is due to the assumption that pregnancy is easy and anyone can do it, even 15-year-olds. As a former 15-year-old myself, I sympathize and empathize with them because I'm not going to deny that at one point in my life there was something I was so naive to fall into because it seemed "easy." That also goes for people who think they should do something because "everyone else is doing it." I didn't hate those girls, or think they were just the dumbest kids in the world. That's just like saying a little toddler's dumb because he can't understand that the cube goes into the square hole. They only can think in terms of their age. I also didn't feel like it was necessary to assume that since this movie was based on a actual event that it's accurate. Even Lifetime says it's fabricated at the beginning of the movie. You can never tell how much fact is in a movie that's only "based" on a true story. In addition, I don't have negative feelings towards the general population of teen moms out there. I know some, and just from observation, they need just as much love and support as grown women do when going through a situation like pregnancy. Definitely even more. Now don't get my words twisted, I don't condone teenagers forcing pregnancy to have a baby. It's just that if a teen gets pregnant, there is nothing anyone can do to turn back the hands of time and make it go away. Pregnancy should be taken in stride. What happened, happened. Now, let's just look on forward and provide this newborn with a positive atmosphere and all that it needs.
I went down to visit my friends really quick tonight, and the comments they were making about the movie were pretty unsettling to my ears. I'm not sure if it was a joke or not, but they were really not okay with anything involving "teen" and "pregnancy" in the same sentence. They just knew these girls were wrong, knew they were stupid, knew that they couldn't think for themselves. But I feel that this wasn't that serious. Well, for one it's a movie and also a stretch from the truth. Lifetime is making an assumption that not only was there a pact, that the personalities of these girls fit how they wrote them to be. On to further evidence, I have a friend who just had her baby. I showed the picture of the child to one of the friends I mentioned earlier, and all she said was, "MM." Not the thoughtful one, but the condensending, critical one. When I tried to explain my point of view about teen pregnancy (not very well; I have a problem with getting thoughts out into verbal words), she said I was too forgiving. That hurt. It made me seem so wrong for trying to uplift young mothers, support them through this difficult time, and just be there for them. They need it, though. They have so many criticizers out there assuming she's a slut and other names and that she's stupid, irresponsible, and among other things. Maybe it's because I know a few girls who have had children before the age of 20 but I see the support they're given, the optimistic attitude they have, and just the altering of a woman's whole being when she's carrying something so special inside of her that I want to be a part of that. I don't want to be on the sidelines making it even worse for her. It's hard being a mom; it must be devastatingly difficult to be a teen mom. Like I said, I'm not condoning going out and getting pregnant on purpose or all that; that's not important to me. What's important is giving these young girls what they need and the support that they deserve. I guess I look past the act of sex because, let's be honest, young teens are out there doing it like rabbits. That's a fact that can't be brushed under the rug. And things happen. Whether they were educated on sexual activites or not, it doesn't change the outcome of a baby. Sorry if I rambled or if it wasn't cohesive. Just hearing those jeering comments kind of put me in a place to evaluate my place on this matter.

First Week of Classes

2010-01-16T01:17:00.000-06:00

This week was pretty much the introduction into what foolishness your life is about to turn into until May. And I have a little feeling that I put too much foolishness on my plate. Usually I have a mixture of easy and more attention-needing classes, but all of my classes are demanding my whole life at the same time. First day of one of my classes, Costume in Theater, we were put into groups to prepare a group presentation already and my group has to present in two weeks. =O Speaking of which, I have to start researching and get my piece together before meeting with the rest of the group to practice. And it's not just bs kind of practicing either. *sigh* I never practice for things, even when I was in speech last semester! Oh well, new year, new semester, new procedures. Guess I'll have some fine tuning to do with that class. Another class, Clothing in Human Behavior, pretty much is going to work me like a grad student; it requires a lot of reading and researching. Just looking at the syllabus would get your heart racing. The goals for the semester take up one whole page! In Fashion Entrepreneurship, I'll have to work with half the class in order to successfully plan and execute a yard sale on campus (with horrible looking clothes!!!!) and create my own business plan by the end of the semester. I'm taking Classical Mythology, too, and that's pretty much a lot of reading and pronouncing the bizarre names of all the gods and goddesses. Thank goodness their stories are interesting so I have that drive of intrigue on my side. Oh, and my Technical Writing class may be perhaps the easiest of the hardest. There's no textbook to read and no tests and all that, but best believe you can't just hand any old writing in. The environment of the class is super professional. So professional that we have to treat the class like a job and e-mail the professor beforehand when we're not coming to class. And the assignments are for real-life situations that we're most likely going to use them for (i.e., resume for a summer internship, cover letter for grad school, etc.). This year is so professional and requires a significant amount of more time management skills than I've been using for so long in life. If there was any time to get myself together and make myself fit to be the perfect employee for the future, it's most certainly this semester. I'm just disappointed that I'll be unable to do the things that I really want for fear of devoting too much time out of class to keep my 4.0 streak going on. For instance, I picked up a job application for a store in Chinatown last semester for this semester because my schedule seemed open enough to make a decent amount of money (my Wednesdays and Fridays are practically empty all day). I probably would've also like to start boosting up my resume and get an internship or something. I also had my eye on this volunteer opportunity with DC Fashion Week but I know that's definitely going to conflict with my studies. I know people who are handling heavy loads in and out of school, but seeing that this is technically my first time getting down into the nitty gritty of things, I should probably take it easy and test the waters first. I'm also trying to not psyche myself out about this semester like everyone else. "Aw, I'm ready to be back home." "Ugh, I hate school!" And other negative comments. I'm just trying to go where the wind blows me and not try to force anything opposite. So although this semester might be a bit out of my comfort zone and pretty strenuous, I'm going to hold on to the fact that at the end of it all, I'll take something valuable away from it and possibly shake some of my bad habits, most importantly procrastination.

The Bite of "Ignorance"

2010-01-08T20:20:00.000-06:00

What is the most hateful word in the dictionary? It may vary for some, but I feel like a general word of hate that any and all people can agree upon is the word "ignorant." When someone calls you ignorant, it just hits your core, like a boxer's low blow to the gut. That's like a fighting word, too. "Oh you ignorant." "You said WHAT??" Bloody nose.
Don't ask me why I decided to blog about this word. Partly I don't know, partly I do. But anyway, I had to look up what the word ignorant really means to see why this word just packs so much hurt in it. My trusty friend Dictionary.com says that ignorant is "lacking education or knowledge; unaware or uninformed." Some synonyms are untaught, uninstructed, naive, oblivious, illiterate, and inexperienced to name a few. When I see these synonyms, I think, "Oh, so that's what ignorant really means. It's more so on an educational level." But the way we really use it is more than not being educated on something. People use "ignorant" to most likely mean "stupid, absolutely idiotic, and just the rudest SOB on the planet." That's where it hurts you. I feel like if anyone called me ignorant (to my face, at least) I would just question my purpose of existence. Like it hits really that low. But it's not supposed to. I feel like ignorance is a word that supposed to say "you don't know much on this certain area or subject, but that's ok because it can be fixed if you learn facts." How we really use it is "you don't know nothing about anything and it can never be fixed AND you'll be ostracized." Horrible! I really sympathize with this word. It's so misunderstood....

Anti-New Year's

2010-01-02T02:25:00.000-06:00

From December 30th until now, January 2nd, I've been seeing a lot of heartwarming Facebook statuses including New Year's resolutions and getting "Happy New Year!" sporadically and whatnot.... Maybe I just get blue during the winter or something but I wasn't feeling Christmas and I'm not feeling New Year's either. Like, what fuels our desire to reinvent ourselves everytime one year ends and another begins? Why do we have to wait until the beginning of next year to "make a new me," as if starting a different year is similar to being given a new life? If we say every year "New year, new me" then you're going to have about 20 different "me's" by the time you're 20! Besides, making a resolution for an entire year is a bit extreme, if you think about it. We live our lives day by day, not year by year. If we're going to make resolutions, I think it should correspond to how we live, like day-by-day resolutions. That seems more obtainable rather than a plan for the whole year. That may be why a lot of people who want to lose weight as their new year's resolutions wind up not doing anything to achieve that. Taking little steps and setting goals day-by-day is more realistic to us.
I also don't like when people say "Oh, I'm leaving some people behind in 2009!" I guess it's only because I feel like you never know who you might need at certain intervals in your life (that's why you shouldn't go around looking for toes to step on). Also, purposely excluding someone from your life kind of prevents fate (or destiny or whatever you would like to call it) from happening the way it's meant to happen in your life or in that particular relationship. Let's say, you're sick of a friend that's no good, and you decide to "leave her in '09." What if she wasn't put in your life to be a pest, but on the contrary, if was you that had been put into her life to help her? Just a thought.

And maybe I'm bitter about new year's because I never bring it in like a big party like you see on TV or like I see a lot of my friends did. Not that I try hard to try and party it up anyway... *kanye shrug*

The Sucker Punch Heard Around the World... Portia vs. Natalie

2009-12-22T23:36:00.000-06:00

AWWWW MAN! All my Bad Girls Club fans know what I'm talking about when I say: Don't talk about someone's child unless you have a death wish. That whole episode had me wanting to say a few things. Most importantly is to know your place on other people's world. It all began when Natalie, Ms. Center-of-the-world, had bust in on Portia's heart-to-heart moment with Flo for no reason. How ignorant was that? Who are you to tell someone not to cry and be worried about her relationship with her significant other? From what Portia has disclosed, her and her boyfriend have had a solid relationship and it has made her truly happy. She can't be upset that she's about to lose something that makes her happy? Honey, I bet if you couldn't find a "baller" who could tolerate your ugly habits and excessive need for money to complete yourself, you'd be upset too. Witcha gold diggin' self. Anywho, I felt for Portia. It's hard to find something good out there, and once you know it's good, you want to hold on to that. I saw one oxygenlive.com that people were dogging her about how much she talk about her boyfriend but not her daughter. However, they don't dog Natalie about how much she talk about her "running L.A." and bragging about all her riches yet she don't talk about the psychological damages she obviously has that she keeps trying to hide under money and greasy hair. Speaking of money, there's a fine line between being a go-getter and a gold digger. They sound the same, but they're certainly different. Being a go-getter means doing the work yourself in order to make the money yourself; a gold digger looks for the go-getters and sucks them dry. Plain and simple. Hunting for people who already have their own money is what a gold digger does. Exchanging your body for money is what a gold digger does. Natalie is most certainly a gold-digger.
Now, what I wanted to say was that Natalie was dead wrong and deserved more than that one ass whooping she got. How DARE you say you didn't know what set Portia off? How DARE you justify that statement that because Portia didn't talk about her daughter to you that you didn't know that would set her off?? That's a given; you never talk about someone else's family, especially those who they gave birth to. Besides, you don't need to know her whole life story in order to respect her. Silly girl! You didn't like it when Kendra came at you wrong when you were feeling down about your boyfriend, did you? Got so mad you punched her in the face, if my eyes didn't deceive me just two weeks ago. Now the tables have turned, and you want to cry victim? You get no sympathy.
And all those who say "Aw, Natalie my girl! She real!!" you're foolishly mistaken. Real doesn't bragging about materialistic things. Real isn't an instigator. Real is not putting down your fellow women to make yourself seem superior. Real is not loud, rude, and ignorant. Real doesn't dumb itself down or exploit their body sexually for attention. Real doesn't need to be the constant center of attention to make themselves feel complete. Real is not gold digging. Real doesn't manipulate people just for fun. Real is not FAKE. Point blank period.

Paranormal Activity

2009-12-15T10:55:00.001-06:00

I'm watching this show called Paranormal State on A&E and a certain episode influenced me to blog this morning. This man named Matt, his wife, and 3 daughters are experiencing activity from a wife and her 3 daughters. As the paranormal team further their studies, they realize that because Matt's family was prone to paranormal sensitivity that that makes him and his new family more susceptible to the "other side." Basically, that sensitivity to the dead runs in the family. That got me thinking. My mother recently told me that her mother and grandmother, my grandmother and great-grandmother, had the "insight." She even gave me an example where my grandmother dreamt of a fish (meaning someone near was pregnant) and in fact my aunt was, at the time. I may be weird to some people to say this but I kind of wished that that sight kept going on down the line to me. The spirit world is so fascinating to me just by the fact they can even physically reach the living to a point of bodily harm. And how we're so scared because it knows us but we don't know it. Sometimes when I think I may see, feel, or sense something, I entertain myself by acting like those paranormal investigatoes and try to interact with it or speak to it. *blush* I mean, you never know...

Ooooh!! :)

2009-12-15T04:03:00.001-06:00

Yea, this post pretty much has no substance to it or any reason of existence except for the entertainment of myself to type a post onto my blog from my iPod using this awesomely free app. I'm too addicted to my iPod for my own good. :-/ So please excuse this...

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone